tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87705310888530870812024-03-13T04:22:04.548-05:00Autism Blogs DirectoryCommunity over Cacophony!Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.comBlogger383125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-89663488675648774752017-12-03T02:25:00.001-06:002017-12-03T02:25:27.840-06:00Post your blog links and websites hereThis directory is no longer updated.<br />
If you would like people to have a chance to see your website or blog, please post the link in the comments.Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com477tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-33807043350227771622015-02-26T17:53:00.004-06:002015-02-26T17:53:46.888-06:00Guest Post: Ben Wilshire<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<a href="http://bensaspieblog.blogspot.com.au/2014/04/aspies-and-sexuality.html">Aspie's and sexuality</a></h3>
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I believe that the subject of sexuality and Asperger’s needs
to be discussed more and in an open way. The purpose of this post is to help
people understand the topic a little more and discuss some things that can be
done to improve outcomes in regards to relationship understanding for Aspies.</div>
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I would like to firstly point out Maslow’s hierarchy of
needs as it is a good framework to consider when looking at improving quality
of life. As seen in the drawing below, arguably sex is one of the most
important motivators with sexual intimacy and friendship being on the third
most important level. Maslow acknowledged the likelihood that the different
levels of motivation could occur at any time in the human mind, but he focused
on identifying the basic types of motivation and the order in which they should
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The difficulties that Aspies face vary from individual to
individual, however there are a lot of commonalities. Research into the sexual
understanding of Aspies is in its infancy however studies (and my personal
experiences and of other Aspies) suggest that Aspies are as interested sex (and
intimate relationships) as anyone else, but many struggle with the myriad of
complex skills required to successfully negotiate intimate relationships. In my
research into the subject I have also noticed that although some Aspies (like
myself) don’t have major sensory issues, others do which can make intimacy a
challenge. <span style="line-height: 115%;">AS
will also affect communication, both verbal and nonverbal, social interaction and
empathic thought. It can also cause obsessive interests, need for structure and
routine, motor clumsiness</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">People with Asperger syndrome can sometimes appear to have an ‘inappropriate’,
‘immature’ or ‘delayed’ understanding of sexual codes of conduct. This can
sometimes result in sexually inappropriate behaviour. For example, a
20-year-old with Asperger syndrome may display behaviours which befit a
teenager. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Even individuals who are high achieving and academically or vocationally
successful can have trouble negotiating the ‘hidden rules’ of courtship. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/book/9781849059640" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/book/9781849059640" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9MzJ9kQ2YwTgrhOCkzHeFR2YY09GKN3Ppu68_ETM77rNJo5iFze5hoe_TT8briyGKpfvlcs-wvnHztwkVp1t-f1N3huteSA05DLQAcxCXxpmtOuhbjwCaCT9bfSb_iNwv2BGki_XgAjXq/s1600/978-1-84905-964-0.jpg" /></a> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">As Dr Tony Attwood says in the new book published by JKP “Been
There, Done That, Try This!” “Their (Aspies) sources of information on
sexuality may not be peers or personal experiences, but more likely the media,
literature and possibly pornography.” This is why specific education needs to be
provided to Aspies as more in-depth education will fill in the gaps that cause by
lack of intuition. Specific sexual education is also important to help avoid such
issues as Aspies getting into trouble with the law by acting inappropriately
(such as accessing illegal pornography or stalking potential partners) and
becoming victims of sexual assault because they got taken advantage of and in
some cases this is caused (through no fault of their own) by not knowing what
the intentions of their partner are.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/book/9781843101895" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/book/9781843101895" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAdkdihMGbmzAzNEjvI7eo_MhLZyHoU-BNeQuua5QUAMrYWSkug4H0qL-Xu0Q-dfSovO1Wo9y-5k4ok3qzsBb1eh-BBIsOiNT0T69XDIz5YwOUJm5uh1j0lmNqcN7KdzGDHqw6Hz534V_5/s1600/1-84310-189-0.jpg" /></a>After searching for a suitable educational programmes that
relate to AS and sexuality I found one include many relevant topics and to be
in a group structure which will also help participants to improve on their
social skills. The program can be found in full in the book “Asperger’s
Syndrome and Sexuality From Adolescence Through Adulthood” By Isabelle Henault.
As far as I know this educational programme is the only programme to be
developed and tested and is specifically to meet the needs of people with
AS. The course includes 12 workshops,
each with its own topic. Although previously unpublished, the programme has
been empirically validated and tested in practice with four groups. The results
from these trials are also found in the book.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Through more exposure of this issue I believe that more
organisations will realise that there is a need for specific education programs
for Aspies and will look into the issue of sexuality more and develop and
refine programs to suit this need for education. Also Aspies will realise there
are resources out there to help them recognise their deficits and how to work
around them.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">If you have any comments/questions on this article or there
is anything that you would like me to cover in a future blog post (as I want to
write an article more in depth in the future regarding AS and sexuality) please
leave a comment.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">For
anyone interested in reading about the perspective of a male Aspie
(written in first person) using internet dating successfully please see
Garry Burge's post <a href="http://garrysaspieblog.blogspot.com.au/2014/04/the-relationship-journey-and-internet.html" target="_blank">here</a>. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">REFERENCES <span style="line-height: 115%;">AND
RESOURCES</span></span></span></div>
<a href="http://www.maxineaston.co.uk/published/AS_in_the_Bedroom.shtml">http://www.maxineaston.co.uk/published/AS_in_the_Bedroom.shtml </a><br />
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<a href="http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Asperger_syndrome_and_adults">http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Asperger_syndrome_and_adults</a></div>
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<span itemprop="name">Ben Wilshire</span>
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at
<a class="timestamp-link" href="http://bensaspieblog.blogspot.com.au/2014/04/aspies-and-sexuality.html" rel="bookmark" title="permanent link"><abbr class="published" itemprop="datePublished" title="2014-04-11T13:09:00+10:00">13:09</abbr></a>
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<a class="goog-inline-block share-button sb-email" href="http://www.blogger.com/share-post.g?blogID=5900332721930272964&postID=1079745429283436573&target=email" target="_blank" title="Email This"><span class="share-button-link-text">Email This</span></a><a class="goog-inline-block share-button sb-blog" href="http://www.blogger.com/share-post.g?blogID=5900332721930272964&postID=1079745429283436573&target=blog" target="_blank" title="BlogThis!"><span class="share-button-link-text">BlogThis!</span></a><a class="goog-inline-block share-button sb-twitter" href="http://www.blogger.com/share-post.g?blogID=5900332721930272964&postID=1079745429283436573&target=twitter" target="_blank" title="Share to Twitter"><span class="share-button-link-text">Share to Twitter</span></a><a class="goog-inline-block share-button sb-facebook" href="http://www.blogger.com/share-post.g?blogID=5900332721930272964&postID=1079745429283436573&target=facebook" target="_blank" title="Share to Facebook"><span class="share-button-link-text">Share to Facebook</span></a><a class="goog-inline-block share-button sb-pinterest" href="http://www.blogger.com/share-post.g?blogID=5900332721930272964&postID=1079745429283436573&target=pinterest" target="_blank" title="Share to Pinterest"><span class="share-button-link-text">Share to Pinterest</span></a>Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-23441555648620099332015-02-25T13:04:00.001-06:002015-02-25T13:04:24.122-06:00New Novel Featuring a Non-Verbal Autistic Character: The Place to Say Goodbye<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoGO_tfVXtTsxBVSE9qenSAtoXZk5L7zx7O0xODSUE7fKvyetibqyLea-I0CmcR7vGRF0bQr0-cpWvx70acxrzcFmFVjhkzdrpPrCojFJuXf7q5wCysShpOFmqGMH_XukmwU0fNA8iA8in/s1600/the-place-we-go-to-say-goodbye-web-copy+11-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoGO_tfVXtTsxBVSE9qenSAtoXZk5L7zx7O0xODSUE7fKvyetibqyLea-I0CmcR7vGRF0bQr0-cpWvx70acxrzcFmFVjhkzdrpPrCojFJuXf7q5wCysShpOFmqGMH_XukmwU0fNA8iA8in/s1600/the-place-we-go-to-say-goodbye-web-copy+11-4.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
My best friend's son was diagnosed
with autism at the age of 2. I remember the night she called -- I was
eight weeks pregnant with my first child, and it was my third wedding
anniversary. I had gone to bed early because I could barely keep my eyes
open and I had spent the day throwing up. But then the phone had rung,
and it was my friend.<br /><br />"Happy Anniversary!" she said brightly, but then I heard the tears behind her words. "G was diagnosed with autism today."<br /><br />I
hadn't known that A and her husband had been seeing doctors for any
issues, though I had suspected for about the last year that something
wasn't right. At G's second birthday party the month before, he had
seemed much younger than 2, had thrown a fit, had flipped out while the
candle was lit and during the singing of Happy Birthday, was still not
talking at all. I had not been around a lot of children, and for all I
knew, these things could be normal, but somehow, I knew something was
wrong. Still, A and her husband, M, had never told us they were seeking
out help.<br /><br />I didn't know what to say but I promised to come
visit A at work the next day. I had no idea how she would manage going
to work with the newness -- the freshness -- of the diagnosis. But the
next day I met her there, and she took a break and we sat in the waning
fall sunlight while she explained how G had been diagnosed. How
overwhelmed she felt. How crazy this all was.<br /><br />G. is 23 now.
He lives in a group home and goes to a program on weekdays. He has
never said a word, doesn't use any form of communication. He understands
what we say though, and he is sweet and gentle. He can put together a
complex jigsaw puzzle amazingly well and he snuggles with his mom. He
also grunts, grinds his teeth, and squeezes his hands together in
frustration. He has obsessive behaviors, like wanting to sit on the
ground before he gets in a car and turning lights on and off repeatedly.<br /><br />I
recently published my third novel, The Place to Say Goodbye, about a 32
year old man, Carson, with the kind of autism G has -- nonverbal.
Because we don't know what nonverbal autistic people think or feel, I
wanted to give them a voice, so only the reader is privy to Carson's
thoughts. The novel also features Carson's caretakers -- his identical
twin 25 year old sisters who don't know what he thinks or how he feels.<br /><br />Autistic
people and their families need a voice -- and I hope this novel helps
give them one. Here is the link to purchase the book:<br /><br />Kindle Edition:<br />
<div>
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Place-Say-Goodbye-Judy-Walters-ebook/dp/B00RQQII7I/ref=sr_1_1_twi_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1424875625&sr=1-1&keywords=the+place+to+say+goodbye" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.com/Place-<wbr></wbr>Say-Goodbye-Judy-Walters-<wbr></wbr>ebook/dp/B00RQQII7I/ref=sr_1_<wbr></wbr>1_twi_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=<wbr></wbr>1424875625&sr=1-1&keywords=<wbr></wbr>the+place+to+say+goodbye</a><br /><br />Paperback:<br /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Place-Goodbye-Judy-Mollen-Walters/dp/1505572444/ref=sr_1_1_twi_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1424875686&sr=1-1&keywords=the+place+to+say+goodbye" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.com/Place-<wbr></wbr>Goodbye-Judy-Mollen-Walters/<wbr></wbr>dp/1505572444/ref=sr_1_1_twi_<wbr></wbr>1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=<wbr></wbr>1424875686&sr=1-1&keywords=<wbr></wbr>the+place+to+say+goodbye</a><br /></div>
Judy
Mollen Walters is the author of the novels, The Place to Say Goodbye
(2015), as well as The Opposite of Normal (2014) and Child of Mine
(2013). She can be reached at <a href="mailto:judymwalters@gmail.com" target="_blank">judymwalters@gmail.com</a>Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-79668160810559153832015-02-20T21:56:00.002-06:002015-02-20T21:56:27.984-06:00Dawn Marcotte: Resources to Help Autistic Students Choose the Right College<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finding the right college is key to successfully graduating
and lists like the Top 10 Colleges for Autistic Students can only go so far. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here are a few other resources to check before making any
decisions.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">ASAN's Navigating
College Handbook</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Navigating College Handbook was published in 2011. This
book was written by autistic students, for autistic students and its point of
view is unique. The book is available for free at their website, Navigating
College http://navigatingcollege.org/download.php). The ebook contains
information on getting academic accommodations, housing tips, health and
safety, advocacy and social life. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Online Websites</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Searching for college is a big business online. There are
many websites with information about colleges across the country. Unfortunately
few of them include any information on the support services for autistic
students. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
ThinkCollege.net is a web site that specifically targets
autistic students. The site has a listing of colleges, universities and post-secondary
programs designed for autistic students. However the programs they list are
submitted to them for inclusion on the list and the list is far from complete.
If students have a specific school in mind, checking this site to see what
programs are available is a good first step. However if the school is not
listed here, it doesn't mean they don't have support programs available. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another website to check is SpectrumU (https://spectrumu.wordpress.com/)
This site lists many colleges in alphabetical order or by type of university.
However this is in a list format, not a searchable database. The site does have
some excellent information on searching for colleges with appropriate services.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Print Resources</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Consumer Reports has done a review of online and print
resources for college guides and comparisons. While none of the online
resources they recommend address services for autistic students several of the
print books do.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The College Handbook by the College Board, Guide to Colleges
by Fiske and Profiles of American colleges by Barron's are all top resources
and all include information on special services. College Handbook is actually
the number one recommended book resource as it includes information on costs,
educational quality, environment and has the largest number of schools included
in the guide at 3,800. This may be a good first look to understand what is
available and learn the vocabulary that goes with a school search.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Online Forums</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are also several forums where students and parents can
go to learn more about college and post-secondary life from people who are
living it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Aspie Central (<span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">https://www.aspiescentral.com/forums/education-and-employment.24/)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Wrong Planet (www.wrongplanet.net)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">College Confidential
(http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-search-selection/1741671-finding-a-college-for-autistic-students.html?new=1)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">These forums are all active and provide valuable information and
discussions on college and other post-secondary options.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Other
Options</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Not every autistic student is going to attend a college with
support services. However there are independent programs who will provide
needed support at the college or university of choice. These programs are fee
based and vary widely in cost and services. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Here are a few examples:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">AHEADD - http://www.aheadd.org/</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">College Internship Program -
http://cipworldwide.org/</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">College Living Experience -
http://www.experiencecle.com/home.aspx</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">College Steps Program -
http://www.collegesteps.org/</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Student Curriculum on Resilient
Education - http://www.scoreforcollege.org/propel</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Autistic students can be successful in college and beyond with the
right supports in place. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"> </span>Dawn Marcotte is the CEO of <a href="http://www.asd-dr.com/" target="_blank"><span>WWW.ASD-DR.com</span></a>, a website designed to help teens and young adults on the spectrum live to their highest potential.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-55146346965616452442014-12-19T12:37:00.001-06:002014-12-19T12:37:28.720-06:00Who Died and Made You Dr. Spock? A guest post from Dawn Marcotte<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Our guest post is by Dawn Marcotte. who<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px;"> is the CEO of </span><a href="http://www.asd-dr.com/" style="background-color: white; color: blue; cursor: pointer; font-size: 13px;" target="_blank"><span class="s1">WWW.ASD-DR.com</span></a><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px;">,</span><span style="background-color: white;"> a website designed to help teens and young adults on the spectrum live to their highest potential.</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Disclaimer: For the Star Trek fans out there this article isn't really going to talk about Mr. Spock -Dr. Spock was a famous child specialist in the 60's.<br />
<br />
I saw her laying on the floor, screaming at the top of her lungs about something. As a young single woman I just went to the next aisle and tried to ignore it, vowing that my children would never do that. Why doesn't mom just pick her up and take her to the car - I'm sure they could come back another time. I wasn't raised that way - I would have gotten spanked for sure if I put up such a fuss in public, or at home for that matter. I could tell by the looks of the other adults that I wasn't the only one who was thinking that.<br />
<br />
Fast forward 15 years - God has a sense of humor<br />
Now I am the mother with the child pitching a fit on the floor.<br />
Now I understand that trying to pick her up will just make it worse. All I can do is ride it out and do my best to calm her quickly. This is the first chance I have had in a week to get to the grocery store and if we don't have the right foods she won't eat, so we have to get it done now.<br />
I saw the looks from the other adults in the store and I know what they are thinking - then it hit me:<br />
Who died and made you Dr. Spock? What makes you think I am a bad parent?<br />
In the United States justice system we are supposed to assume innocence until proven guilty - can't we apply that to parenting too?<br />
<br />
I think that most parents love their children and we want to do the right things for them.<br />
We want to teach them to be patient, kind, generous, strong, self- reliant, smart, honest etc.<br />
If we assume that all parents want their kids to grow up to be good people, why do we assume that when a child is misbehaving it is the parents fault. That somehow the parent has missed a vital step in raising that child and they need to learn to 'parent' better. Like they forgot to feed them or tell them that screaming in the middle of a store is not acceptable behavior.<br />
<br />
We don't think that way about ourselves do we? I know I don't. I happen to think I am a pretty good parent. I have worked hard to help my girls grow up to be intelligent, articulate, strong women who don't just accept what the world tells them. (Unless of course it is me and then they just have to do it because I'm the Mom.) I am not perfect and I have made my share of mistakes along the way, but overall I have tried really hard and I think I have been at least partially successful. At least they are still talking to me and aren't making plans to get AWAY as soon as they can.<br />
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Children are actually people too. Yes they have limited life experience, but that doesn't make their emotions any less real. It doesn't make their needs any less important.<br />
It is time to give each other a break. Real life isn't television where Dad is too incompetent to properly care for his own children and moms are too overwhelmed to even know what their children are doing. Neither is it Sesame Street where every adult knows exactly what to do in any given situation. Reality lies somewhere in between.<br />
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What if we assumed that the parent in any given situation is doing the best they can? How would that change our reaction?<br />
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Would we perhaps he a bit kinder and offer some assistance? Even just a smile and a nod of recognition that we know they are trying their best.<br />
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Would that small change in our behavior help other adults to make the same change? How would that change the world?<br />
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I think we need to start fresh with each other as parents and adults. Starting today I am going to try very hard to be more supportive of other parents, especially when they are having a hard time.<br />
What do you think about how adults and parents treat each other?kathleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07648854807234137885noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-63181233174895778862014-09-26T10:30:00.001-05:002014-09-26T10:30:36.801-05:00Yogibos!<h2><br></h2><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Last week, I was contacted by Yogibo.com to see if I'd be willing to accept one of their bean bags to review, specifically in terms of how my children on the spectrum found it. When I looked at the site, I started drooling. We were very kindly sent the Yogibo max, which is six feet by two feet by two feet and priced at over $200. </span><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I am in love with this bag. My girls are in love with it. My husband slept on it, it's that big. The cats are impressed. And the dogs think it is theirs when no one else is on it. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The girls have laid on it, reclined on it, laid under it, laid side by side on it. You name it. They've done their school work on it. The couch has not been used since the Yogibo Max arrived. That is how awesome it is.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If I had money, I would redo the living room in them! There are several options and lots of colors to choose from. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Yes, I'm biased. We were given an expensive product free that my girls love, that provide sensory input that is calming, that makes them feel special. But, trust me when I tell you this is better than Temple Grandin's hugging machine. It's soft but heavy enough and large enough that when you lie under it, you feel pressure. I've used it that way. I would totally do a double in my room for me. It would be my safe space when I'm overwhelmed by kids, critters and the demands of my job and my anxiety disorder which tend to render me skittish and unwilling to be touched. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So, anyone with 400 dollars, consider that to be my Christmas gift wish.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><font color="#000000"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgar4MvKTjuw3UDz-DNcJarBHE0I5db2at_jYUbSp77m0jio_m-KReLYvVOzFyw3xF2mDWFl9XkKO5WB7Cwd_s0GANGt_s63FVfFW_0ONG93wus_6rGgOenwBDeaJ1bxY_wsy3ujFUaFew/s640/blogger-image--1197845199.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgar4MvKTjuw3UDz-DNcJarBHE0I5db2at_jYUbSp77m0jio_m-KReLYvVOzFyw3xF2mDWFl9XkKO5WB7Cwd_s0GANGt_s63FVfFW_0ONG93wus_6rGgOenwBDeaJ1bxY_wsy3ujFUaFew/s640/blogger-image--1197845199.jpg"></a> </span></font></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Yes, that's the Yogibo max under batman decorations and dogs.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhQUxoBj67xmMwFlaNva-OEqSEK9MHf5YNXLhwoPecB7fD9VS63MJ4debflW5z-4-CKup3bMYcZt_FeeRmIqQj3dCy3cbA5yHOFnI5feeurG-J5RhXNS_3rtTSTTcLGV0r_HomS4xpe04/s640/blogger-image-1810249771.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhQUxoBj67xmMwFlaNva-OEqSEK9MHf5YNXLhwoPecB7fD9VS63MJ4debflW5z-4-CKup3bMYcZt_FeeRmIqQj3dCy3cbA5yHOFnI5feeurG-J5RhXNS_3rtTSTTcLGV0r_HomS4xpe04/s640/blogger-image-1810249771.jpg"></font></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Here's the Yogibo max out of the box.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxKuTT62o7JvQLPW5dTFyfCDKZq_NkeHBhXgxsqY0UtpQxfFLixl7WIkU2t4a3Olvv-9gy2iKBydd3otX3LDJUTPlWoQdnBFY0MRw0TGF_Vja6TN5uOfcpIE6PeQcIbSnIl_G1gUsm1Jg/s640/blogger-image--386920105.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxKuTT62o7JvQLPW5dTFyfCDKZq_NkeHBhXgxsqY0UtpQxfFLixl7WIkU2t4a3Olvv-9gy2iKBydd3otX3LDJUTPlWoQdnBFY0MRw0TGF_Vja6TN5uOfcpIE6PeQcIbSnIl_G1gUsm1Jg/s640/blogger-image--386920105.jpg"></font></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Definitely dog approved.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQEeEZowqgrPuZXpRCyk9VrRqIkV_QMfXCy95NJZXCmdRJWe_syHe2nnqyLSJV64mXE9JwUIKs_m4iQlHujzXu-LWdsYWDqHXDrnI1pTNWByU9W5KF8-oOckxuswyS-NhE9ck6cKZg9RE/s640/blogger-image--1842648350.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQEeEZowqgrPuZXpRCyk9VrRqIkV_QMfXCy95NJZXCmdRJWe_syHe2nnqyLSJV64mXE9JwUIKs_m4iQlHujzXu-LWdsYWDqHXDrnI1pTNWByU9W5KF8-oOckxuswyS-NhE9ck6cKZg9RE/s640/blogger-image--1842648350.jpg"></font></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Kids testing it.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6jTSwSUzYRRxo-YvJk2yBBgFs6uJbZwdEyDwXGozH3Fk4ffUWVo6o7GxfnjarO7i29clLbNFWB5_czSkprR2ROnFciOWJElGhblnQAq4x_DKaLYEuSxDwAPART08ugEXZPx9uBCgxGi4/s640/blogger-image-2045489694.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6jTSwSUzYRRxo-YvJk2yBBgFs6uJbZwdEyDwXGozH3Fk4ffUWVo6o7GxfnjarO7i29clLbNFWB5_czSkprR2ROnFciOWJElGhblnQAq4x_DKaLYEuSxDwAPART08ugEXZPx9uBCgxGi4/s640/blogger-image-2045489694.jpg"></font></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq7_YM3V8ulIHtg4uFajIF6THi_fnL-MhtcaPn3Qp-HjmpSoEzdH4dbAS9zfD1VblFsXehZnHYD6GyIaSJUs-nyUnRzZxZcxEnpKIUE40KQidH3wyCSmHlGIETO-6cDOd5IKfsOMgMtJg/s640/blogger-image-1877530971.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><font color="#000000"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq7_YM3V8ulIHtg4uFajIF6THi_fnL-MhtcaPn3Qp-HjmpSoEzdH4dbAS9zfD1VblFsXehZnHYD6GyIaSJUs-nyUnRzZxZcxEnpKIUE40KQidH3wyCSmHlGIETO-6cDOd5IKfsOMgMtJg/s640/blogger-image-1877530971.jpg"></font></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><font color="#000000" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFW-pkNqRUSAPqfZmUX6GaRWPuQvuQJQaQF__vfQ7SoAjBxtZTKl5ojyQ2qEoFdUR8bcZ3HgU9BrM2fQoraH57NJmdY2x1VSUsTu7BYZ5cfFmrAxJ3nNOojMa7eqhBJ1Str8lata3Ua5A/s640/blogger-image-228965647.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFW-pkNqRUSAPqfZmUX6GaRWPuQvuQJQaQF__vfQ7SoAjBxtZTKl5ojyQ2qEoFdUR8bcZ3HgU9BrM2fQoraH57NJmdY2x1VSUsTu7BYZ5cfFmrAxJ3nNOojMa7eqhBJ1Str8lata3Ua5A/s640/blogger-image-228965647.jpg"></a></font></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Go to Yogibo.com to see all their awesome stuff! Kathleen's review is coming up!</div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-48591998854432424402014-07-12T12:52:00.000-05:002014-07-12T12:52:39.867-05:00Summer Reading: From the Light to the Trancendent<img src="http://www.chickensoup.com/files/imagecache/book_cover/book_cover_art/cover_art_43274.jpg" /><img src="http://www.chickensoup.com/files/imagecache/book_cover/book_cover_art/cover_art_43273.jpg" /><img src="http://www.chickensoup.com/files/imagecache/book_cover/book_cover_art/cover_art_43216.jpg" /><br />
<img src="http://www.chickensoup.com/files/imagecache/book_cover/book_cover_art/cover_art_41802.jpg" /><img src="http://www.chickensoup.com/files/imagecache/book_cover/book_cover_art/cover_art_31967.jpg" /><img src="http://www.chickensoup.com/files/imagecache/book_cover/book_cover_art/cover_art_31965.png" /><br />
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For me, the summer leaves me feeling scatterbrained. Too much noise, too much going on. Chicken Soup for the Soul books provide a quick break, a breather, and a chance to focus.<br />
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The best part of Chicken Soup's books is the diversity of topics. You can find any topic that interests you, and then get dozens and dozens of different author's stories. And because the stories are short, it's okay if you only have five minutes to spare.<br />
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Above I've placed six of Chicken Soup for the Soul's newest books, books I thoroughly enjoyed and highly recommend.<br />
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<br />Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-49232427095317803332014-05-01T00:00:00.000-05:002014-05-01T08:22:54.991-05:00A Review of Eric Fischer's Collected Works of Poetry<br />
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"a greatness beyond all possibility of calculation, measurement or imitation"</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjot9piEhulFY_WVq44kPNRc0nYOH2mq_HocwZrLm40dM2ox0BBQ7F_4WRR20Jc7jOEoeVTYRkwj0hm0gY3RpXvzsLWf7WHK58Hri9WqkmmL5dBif7LEYXq4ms_6L__CXKVJyNv_CP4-2o/s1600/BROKENMAN_1.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjot9piEhulFY_WVq44kPNRc0nYOH2mq_HocwZrLm40dM2ox0BBQ7F_4WRR20Jc7jOEoeVTYRkwj0hm0gY3RpXvzsLWf7WHK58Hri9WqkmmL5dBif7LEYXq4ms_6L__CXKVJyNv_CP4-2o/s1600/BROKENMAN_1.jpg" /></a></div>
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Purchases of this book go to support Eric's care of his son Segev.</div>
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Preferred purchase link is <a href="https://www.createspace.com/4652145">https://www.createspace.com/4652145</a></div>
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but the book is available on Amazon as well.</div>
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I've been following Eric Fischer's <a href="http://iamabrokenmanyoucantbreakme.blogspot.com/">blog</a> about his beautiful and profoundly disabled son Segev for several years. Segev has a condition known as <a href="http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/ohtahara/ohtahara.htm">Ohtahara Syndrome</a>, which is a progressive disease involving seizures that often don't respond very well to medication. Eric has spent the last sixteen years taking care of his son, who requires 24 hour support.<br />
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Over the last nineteen years, Eric has amassed a collection of poetry that is, with no exaggeration, sublime. I have his<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Little-Jobs-broken-poems-special-ebook/dp/B00DA8DTKM/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1398898305&sr=1-1&keywords=little+job%27s+book+of+broken+poems" target="_blank"> first volume</a>, <i>Little Job's Book of Broken Poems</i>, on my kindle, and I've found it meaningful and often come back to it when I need to know I am not alone, that others, too, see the wonder and pain of this world entwined. I am always led to think and feel when I read Eric's poetry and it never fails to create a feeling of bittersweetness that I carry with me long after I've set aside the poems.<br />
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Eric's dedication to Segev and commitment to honoring his son and other children who live with profound, severe disability is punctuated with loss and struggle and exhaustion. In one poem, "The Tender Heart," Eric writes that </div>
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A tender heart may lose its way,</blockquote>
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With resolve returns to win the day.</blockquote>
Falling down, feeling broken, these things are to be expected, are unavoidable consequences when one battles each day for another day for one's beloved.<br />
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It is not just the tender heart, but also the foolish heart that plays a role in being able to keep going, long day after longer night, weary.<br />
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Despite adversity into the fray:</blockquote>
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A foolish heart will see the light of day.</blockquote>
Eric knows all too well what he's fighting for and what the cost is, and his dedication to his son and to making the world recognize the value that is inherent in all people, regardless of functionality is heroic, although he would likely reject that characterization. He is, in his opinion, doing what he must.<br />
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In a poem about Segev, he writes:<br />
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The rope that binds his body cannot bind his soul:</blockquote>
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The secret of the heavens that define this role,</blockquote>
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Never has a dream garnered such a toll.</blockquote>
He continues later in the same poem, "Darkness,"<br />
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The struggle to survive</blockquote>
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Universal and constant</blockquote>
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Where no one is asked </blockquote>
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Whether they can bare it nor</blockquote>
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Want it.</blockquote>
Life and death and the things that really matter: Eric's life is wittled down to the essential, as are the lives of other parents loving and fighting for their children and their children's lives. Eric writes in a poem titled "Ohtahara,"<br />
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Death is in the fight.<br />
...<br />
Brought to our knees</blockquote>
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With aches of love for our children so affected,</blockquote>
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Death is a rampant disease.</blockquote>
Eric writes not just about his and Segev's experiences, but also devotes several poems to other children and their families and tackles the heartrending task of the loss of other children to the diseases they and their parents valiantly wrestled with. Of Jack, in "Brave," Eric writes,<br />
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Brave brave, little thing,</blockquote>
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Across the heavens you will sing.</blockquote>
Eric's poetry calls us to feel, to think, to be, to embrace the moment. I can't help but be reminded of Nancy Mairs, a poet and author who has MS, and her interview in PBS's documentary, <i><a href="http://www.pbs.org/thoushalthonor/" target="_blank">& Thou Shalt Honor,</a> </i> how<a href="http://www.pbs.org/thoushalthonor/carefor/nancy.html" target="_blank"> she feels called to life:</a><br />
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And having George participate in my care and having other people do the same, calls me into life. It says, despite your losses, despite your limitations, you belong here with us and we want you to stay. We want you to stay enough that we're willing to participate in the labor that it takes. That's perhaps the fundamental of caregiving -- to enable another to want to be in the world. Not just enable them to be, but to enable them to want to be in the world when it would be easier not to.</blockquote>
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Eric's message, in the end, is similar--he calls his son to life, he asserts the inherent value in all people, regardless of what they can "contribute." He rejects any and all idea of allowing his son to go gently into that good night.<br />
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I am honored to be Eric's friend, to be allowed to bear witness to Segev's beautiful life and Eric's passion for giving Segev the best life he can for as long as he can. I encourage you, if you have not had the honor of meeting Eric and Segev, to visit<a href="http://iamabrokenmanyoucantbreakme.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"> Eric's blog</a> and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SegevFischer" target="_blank">Segev's facebook page</a>, and to participate in Segev's support by purchasing <i><a href="https://www.createspace.com/4652145" target="_blank">I am a broken man/You can't break me</a>.</i><br />
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--K Wombles<br />
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This last week a Canadian single mother of a severely autistic teenage son killed her son and herself and once again the community erupted and people find themselves on opposing sides.<br />
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Part of this is truly a difference of opinion. There are those of us who are horrified at how the victim in this kind of crime is portrayed as the perpetrator of the murder rather than the murder victim. That, should, I think, be the way we react instinctively: the victim is the autistic person who has been murdered. No matter what the reasoning behind the parent's actions, the primary victim is the autistic individual who has been murdered.<br />
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The lead in the news coverage is that a disabled individual has been murdered by his/her parent, not how hard the parent had it.<br />
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After that acknowledgement, in a separate conversation it is reasonable to wonder what drove the parent to the point of murder and whether there are actions the community could take to safeguard vulnerable individuals. What is an appropriate level of governmental intrusion into the lives of families? Would that have made a difference?<br />
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Why did this mother do this? Why didn't the medical community help? Why didn't the Canadian equivalent of CPS assist?<br />
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The list of why questions are endless, and the reality is there aren't answers for all of them.<br />
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What is the solution for families unable to provide safe living spaces for their disabled children? Turning them over to the state? Relinquishing their parental rights? Should they have to do that to get their child help?<br />
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Why aren't there enough resources for families and adults who are disabled?<br />
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The one clear answer is that there should never ever be a time where we condone the murder of a disabled child by a caregiver. That action is never understandable, always reprehensible.<br />
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Condoning an act of evil and having compassion for people breaking under what they find to be insurmountable situations are not the same thing, though.<br />
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We can feel compassion that this mother was turned away time after time. We can feel for her that the state, the community, and her family failed to assist her or to see the level of despair she was operating under. We should, I hope, feel even greater compassion for her son, the child she made a choice to murder before ending her own life.<br />
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He was failed all the way around, by every one. He was the one deemed not worth helping.<br />
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Compassion for autistic individuals in maladaptive or dangerous environments that don't meet their needs and routinely fail them--that ought to be the number one concern--we must care before we can act. We must deem autistic children and adults to be of equal value to non-disabled individuals. And then we must advocate for adequate resources and assistance for these individuals so that they are safe and in an environment that they can thrive. That means assisting families.<br />
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Compassion for families who don't know where to turn and face closed doors every time they reach out should be the secondary concern. These two concerns work in tandem and we need to recognize that.<br />
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The solutions for families struggling to access resources to assist their disabled family member is going to be family-specific. It will look different for each individual. We cannot afford cookie-cutter solutions, and the ongoing debates in the online community tend to detract from any real action occurring.<br />
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How do we move from advocating to action?<br />
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Where do we start?<br />
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Calling on the media to remember who the true victim is in a murder/suicide is an action that must occur.<br />
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Calling on the state and local organizations and the medical community to make sure adequate assistance and resources are available is necessary.<br />
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Helping families in need by being there to listen, to provide respite care, to put your money where your mouth is are all needed actions.<br />
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We must build local cooperatives in our local communities, create strong ties between families and communities so that when a family is in crisis, it isn't happening out of sight.<br />
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Investment in each other and commitment to being there for each other goes a long way, as those of us who have had the benefit of having a circle of friends who have our backs know all too well.<br />
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As we work to create real change in the real world, we can also resolve to treat each other with compassion, to listen to each other and to be willing to ask for clarification before we decide we've hit that wall that terminates what had been a supportive relationship.<br />
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I don't know about you, but I certainly don't have so many friends that I want to lose a source of support and solidarity over a misunderstanding. Let us have compassion for each other and understanding that these tragedies are horrible for the families they happen to, but also to us, as well.<br />
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--Kim Wombles<br />
*Please know that this post reflects my opinion alone. If you would like to submit a post on this topic, please email me.Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-66578314907593156672014-04-11T14:21:00.002-05:002014-04-11T14:21:35.545-05:00Inclusion means everyone-or when special isn't special...an open letter to Special Olympics Maine<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: #fefafb; color: #1e7d17; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; position: relative;">
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<br />Cross posted from autismherd. Please share! </div>
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contact info is Phil Geelhoed PhilG@somaine.org <br /> To whom it may concern-or Hey Person who picked the venue for today's state swim meet!<br /><br /> <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I sat at the special Olympics today. It should have been wonderful. It is not often that people with disabilities (either physical or developmental) are able to get together without judgement to participate in sporting events.<br /><br />But it wasn't wonderful. I sat there and quietly seethed because I knew of at least one individual who worked equally as hard-but was unable to participate. This was not through any fault of their own-it was simply because the <b>chosen</b> venue had no hoist to help them into the pool. Imagine that-a "Special" Olympian excluded because of the very thing that made them "Special". Equally as unthinkable-a Special Olympics venue that was not <b>fully</b>handicap accessible! It boggles the mind.<br /><br />Yes, there were people who were eager to help-"<b><i>We'll hoist them in and out of the the pool ourselves</i>-<i>whatever it takes!</i>"</b> To add fuel to the fire-there were no accessible changing rooms for this person.<b>"<i>Oh</i> <i>we'll let you use an open area and stand around them holding up towels</i>." </b>While I am sure that these were well intended suggestions, that there was no malice-I am equally sure there wasn't any real thought behind them either..<b>This is a human being. Someone with thoughts, feelings, a personality. A person deserving of dignity and respect. Someone who wanted their moment to shine-not for the spectacle of being hauled into a pool by strangers-or made to change behind a shield of towels-but because they were an athlete-a participant. Accepted and Included.</b><br /><br /> Oh sure, I heard the excuses-when someone complained about this athlete being excluded, they were told- <b style="font-style: italic;">"You find a venue big enough to hold everybody!" </b> That doesn't make sense. Really-<b style="font-style: italic;"> </b>what is more important? A venue big enough to hold all the athletes or a venue that accommodates all the athletes? Had people known there was an accommodation issue(meaning more than two days before the event) maybe they could have found a way to rent a hoist-or fund raised to buy one. Maybe a smaller more accessible venue (spread the event over two days) could have been used. Who knows what could have been done. I do know however, what should have.<br /><br /> I thought about this as I sat there today-watching all of the happy faces-seeing the pride in accomplishment, the joy in success. I sat and thought about the person who wasn't there-who didn't get their moment and wondered how left out they were feeling. I looked around and saw all of the bright yellow Special Olympic tee-shirts - emblazoned with "Inclusion" "Friendship" "Unity" "Respect" -all such lovely sentiments. I tried to measure those sentiments against the person who wasn't included...and sadly realized that today- they were just words. .<br /><br /> That athlete (and any others that may have missed out today) is owed a big apology. Accessibility, accommodation and inclusion-especially in the Special Olympics, should<b> NEVER</b> be an issue.Nor should they only be words on a tee shirt. This was unacceptable.<br /><br /> As the mother of a "Special Olympian" and of other children with disabilities, I have heard far to many times about why my kids can not be included in some things. I can't tell you how much I loathe the sentiment "The needs of the many outweigh those of the few" I did not however expect that attitude to bleed in to the Special Olympics. I am appalled.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Kathleen Leopold<br />Richmond, Maine<br />Kathomar@aol.com</div>
kathleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07648854807234137885noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-25661553981801733922014-03-29T10:48:00.002-05:002014-03-29T10:48:39.978-05:0015, autistic and wary of awareness...<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: #fefafb; color: #1e7d17; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; position: relative;">
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<b> ~"These are the things that require neither signs nor labels. </b><b>Churches, coffins, and urinals all proclaim,</b></div>
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<b><i>This is what I am</i>.</b></div>
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<b>No questions asked."</b></div>
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<b>~ Andrew Smith~<i>Grasshopper Jungle</i></b></div>
<br /><br /><br /><br />(cross posted from www.autismherd.blogspot.com) </div>
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<br /> Autism awareness month is about to rear it's weird head..and I have been wondering (after five plus years of blogging)- what more I could say about it. By this point everyone is aware-so, now what? Really? What does awareness mean or do anyway? This past week-I have learned what it means to my Sam.(I didn't even know that he was paying attention..*sigh*) He is fifteen, autistic..and one of the best people that I know. He doesn't like the "lighting it up blue" or the puzzle piece symbolism. In one conversation, he equated all of that with Nazi Germany-telling me that he felt as if he were being marked much like the yellow star or pink triangles from then. He makes a lot of sense-and, being autistic-he has even more of a say in what this month represents to him than most other people. The following (in red) are his words-his thoughts. the drawing is his as well...So, without further ado-I'm going to kick off this whole awareness month with the thoughts of my son. These are his words.<br /><br /><br /><b><span style="color: red;">This month always separates us into two groups-the "afraid" and the "feared". The afraid, not knowing what autism is- create hate (or the opportunity to abuse) making the "feared"(autistic peoples) lives miserable. The people trying to "help" are filled with pride which makes them feel special. They always talk about the problems, what "they" can not do and NOT what they CAN do.Making not only themselves blind..but even some autistic people as well- especially when they try and embrace this blindness. They blind potential. Another part of this parade of abuse...this march of madness..makes siblings who don't have autism look like their lives are miserable. But, the saddest part of this is that a lot of people are too blind to see the truth. Please end the madness.</span></b><br /><b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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kathleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07648854807234137885noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-84890337082972715722014-02-07T08:41:00.000-06:002014-02-07T08:41:04.986-06:00Scott Levine's New Poetry and Podcast Interview<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Acceptance of Autism </b></span></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Wanting to be free</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Wanting to be me</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Trying to make people see</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">And accept the real me</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Some people think my voice is too loud</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">And that my mannerisms strike them as being odd</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">This perception of me by others keeps me feeling blue</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">But there are plenty of struggles in life that I must get through</span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"></span></span></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I am determined to show my critics my true personality</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Hoping that people move away from their narrow-minded mentalities</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I want them to know that I am a bright young man</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Who is willing to take on as many challenges in life as I can</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I want to make new friends and create a new start</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I like to develop new relationships with an open heart</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I hope to be accepted for the person that I am</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So people can understand a true autistic man</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Fall in New England</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Fall is such a beautiful time of year</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">There are plenty of sites to see here</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Leaves with bright colors orange, yellow, and red</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Signaling a change that the year is near the end</span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"></span></span></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">But fall is also a time of new beginnings</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">It is a time to start to learn new things</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">A time to look at the world in a different way</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">A time to learn new strategies to handle each day</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Let’s take this time of change </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">And focus on new ways to think</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Let’s give individuals with challenges a new look and rearrange</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">And find a common link</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Fall reminds us to turn over new leaves</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">To think about starting new goals to achieve</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I call on the world to change perceptions</span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">And give all of us a new reception</span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline;"></span></span></span><div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I want to make new friends and create a new start</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I like to develop new relationships with an open heart</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I hope to be accepted for the person that I am</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">So people can understand a true autistic man</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><a href="http://boston.cbslocal.com/?podcast_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.podtrac.com%2Fpts%2Fredirect.mp3%2Fnyc.podcast.play.it%2Fmedia%2Fd0%2Fd0%2Fd1%2Fd4%2FdL%2Fd2%2FdU%2F14L2U_4.MP3%3Fauthtok%3D5562314618977484397_fsjhcrK1TpKJJZjVoVJVgxK66g&podcast_name=Poet+Scott+Lentine&podcast_artist=Jordan+Rich&station_id=91&tag&dcid=CBS.BOSTON">Podcast Link</a></span></span></div>
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Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-77795189327888348092014-01-25T20:26:00.002-06:002014-01-25T21:08:31.493-06:00Not Okay: Autism Speaks Owes Kassiane Sibley More Than a Public Apology<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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by Kim Wombles</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCEZeeHirnwslBTtQOh_Y-JcsA6Koc_qkCPUAQAmsHA0W-sqMP5tRRzy1rUl-FQLZ6Z3iIQLmzFM2HAHafQRzUwbYpnNMeKGP6lkcs7ePA4AncXn3F1J1QfgDcuVt6YWuYw4_CyPJ6sTXU/s1600/kassiane+sibley+autism+speaks+-+Google+Search+-+Google+Chrome+1252014+72704+PM.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCEZeeHirnwslBTtQOh_Y-JcsA6Koc_qkCPUAQAmsHA0W-sqMP5tRRzy1rUl-FQLZ6Z3iIQLmzFM2HAHafQRzUwbYpnNMeKGP6lkcs7ePA4AncXn3F1J1QfgDcuVt6YWuYw4_CyPJ6sTXU/s1600/kassiane+sibley+autism+speaks+-+Google+Search+-+Google+Chrome+1252014+72704+PM.bmp" height="344" width="640" /></a></div>
The number one search term for Kassiane Sibley and Autism Speaks is a pdf file that was supposed to be removed, was removed<a href="http://lizditz.typepad.com/i_speak_of_dreams/2012/01/when-national-organizations-offend-those-they-are-supposed-to-serve.html"> in 2012 after the autism community</a> lit up in justified anger that a major non-profit was violating copyright as well as the author's wishes.<br />
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Whiting it out while leaving the text in the file so it would still get hits was an offensive move. Restoring the original whitewashing with a new url sometime in 2013 (according to <a href="http://yesthattoo.blogspot.com/2014/01/autism-speaks-are-work-stealing-white.html">Alyssa</a>) is nothing short of a dick move.<br />
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Despite deep reservations about the organization, for a short time I tried to work with it in my city, since at the time they were the only way autism families got to meet each other. I felt the former president, who I had met and talked to, genuinely listened and wanted to improve the organization. I knew the people in my city who worked on the walk were genuine, real, and invested in making autistic individuals feel welcome as they were and in providing support for them and their families.<br />
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I was able to live with the cognitive dissonance for two walks. I felt the volunteering done by my family and students to make the walk happen was good work for the local community and I gained many friends in the process. I also saw some things at the paid worker level and in the organization itself that troubled me deeply. It was all about raising the most amount of money with the least amount of help from the larger organization. It was push, push, push.<br />
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I also witnessed a failure to recognize the families' concerns and interests.<br />
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I walked away from the organization quietly and when I finally did publicly announce I couldn't support it, people who had treated me like a traitor wanted to welcome me back like I'd just suddenly seen the light.<br />
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I don't like agendas nor people whose interactions with others arise out of their agenda.<br />
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I came online looking for community, for my tribe, for people who would understand my kids and me. And I was very blessed to find numerous kindred spirits, people who have become my closest friends and my strongest supporters. I found controversy and hate along the way, which I have no interest in, and it's amazing when you don't want to incite rioting and vitriol how much more supportive the people in your life are.<br />
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I know that there's a true autism community online and in the real world as I experience it every single day of my life. My facebook friends are autistic individuals, parents, the whole gamut, and with a diversity of beliefs, but the one thing we share in common is our desire to be there for each other in the good and bad times and in all the in-between.<br />
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We have thousands of people represented on this directory, from those who despise Autism Speaks to those who still support it. And I wouldn't dream of going on any of their pages and deriding them. I'm here to support at the individual and family level.<br />
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What you will no longer find on this website, though, is any link to Autism Speaks.<br />
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Over the years, their actions have varied from somewhat hopeful to downright evil. Some of their rhetoric approaches, if not reaches, hate speech. They incite fear of autistic people, and they make families think that their lives with their autistic children are doomed.<br />
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Raising autistic children, much like raising children, is not easy, but it is an amazing experience, even when it is a difficult, painful experience as our hearts break for our children's struggles.<br />
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I love my autistic children and my BAPpy husband and extended family, and I also happen to love my BAPpy self. I didn't meet people like me till I found the autism community. They made me realize I wasn't alone and that there were plenty of people who got me, got my obsessive interests, even appreciated them.<br />
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Kassiane wrote <a href="http://timetolisten.blogspot.com/2013/11/what-autism-really-is.html">a lovely post</a> in November that I recommend highly, that is by far the best response to Suzanne Wright's horrible op-ed.<br />
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Autism Speaks, you owe her more than a public apology for profiting off of her work without her permission, for disrespecting her as a published author with the right to say no to having her work appropriated without permission, despite making it clear she wanted her work and her name nowhere near your stuff.<br />
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You owe autistic people an apology for making them into caricatures to profit off of.<br />
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<br />Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-53084944306851428802014-01-23T19:23:00.000-06:002014-01-26T08:08:54.164-06:00Putting Our Money Where Our Priorities Are: Our Children Deserve Better"Good teachers are to education what education is to all other professions—the indispensable element, the sunlight and oxygen, the foundation on which everything else is built." --<a href="http://www.youtube.com/lowellmilken">Lowell Milken</a><br />
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This is especially true when it comes to teachers for children with disabilities like autism, ADHD, and dyslexia, among other common learning and/or neurological disorders. I wouldn't be surprised if most if not all parents of special needs students haven't run up against teachers whose education was inadequate to the task, especially when are children are mainstreamed with regular education teachers. Even the <a href="http://www.nctq.org/teacherPrep/ourApproach/standards/specialEducation.jsp">National Council on Teacher Quality </a>notes that "To ensure that our children receive a world-class education, their teachers need to be world-class. Sixty years of research and the experience of nations whose students outperform our own have proven that we can only achieve this goal by raising the bar of admission to teacher preparation programs."</div>
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According to the<a href="http://www.bls.gov/ooh/education-training-and-library/special-education-teachers.htm"> US Department of Labor</a>, "[s]pecial education teachers in public schools are required to have a bachelor’s degree and a state-issued certification or license. Teachers in private schools also need a bachelor’s degree, but may not be required to have a state license or certification." Is a bachelor's degree really adequate? Even for regular education teachers? </div>
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How much training do teachers receive for teaching? At the secondary level, education courses generally begin in earnest during the junior year, and the <a href="http://www.soe.umich.edu/academics/bachelors_degree_programs/uste/uste_requirements/">average semester hours</a> needed for secondary education certification are 30 hours or around 11 courses varying from 1, 2 to 3 semester hours. The average teacher has had one 1 hour course on exceptional needs student. </div>
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Teaching children, readying them for the future, is too important to rely on bachelor's degrees where they only spend one short class on exceptional needs students, especially given <a href="http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=64">the reality that 13.1% </a>of U.S. students are disabled.</div>
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According to<a href="http://aim.cast.org/learn/historyarchive/backgroundpapers/train_rec_chg#.UuG5xhDnbIU"> Martha L. Minnow,</a> "[p]roviding better training, support, and satisfaction for teachers is critical to improving both special education services and education for all students. Allocating funds to training programs, salaries, and class size reduction will help; shifting paradigms of instruction to provide continuity within the classroom for students as well as teachers will do as much."</div>
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It is imperative for our children's futures that the local, state, and federal levels of government recognize that competence in both our students and teachers requires the commitment of funds for research into best practices, to increasing teacher and staff pay and training, and to giving all students the individualized attention they need in order to succeed.</div>
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Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-56367848883601925022014-01-09T10:05:00.000-06:002014-01-09T10:05:04.962-06:00Pass it on.. I don't know how many of our readers know about The Autism Channel-a channel devoted to all things autism. It is a FREE streaming channel that has over 27000 viewers. The line up of shows is excellent and inclusive. Many of the shows are hosted by people on the spectrum. That's pretty wonderful-especially in a world where the voices of autistic people are often overlooked. <br />
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Right now, they are asking for help on <a href="http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-autism-channel--2">Indiegogo</a>. Please click on the link and learn all about the channel, the shows, the producers and what they are trying to accomplish. If you can help out-wonderful. You could also take a moment to share the Indiegogo post! You can go on over the their<a href="https://www.facebook.com/TheAutismChannel"> Facebook</a> page-scroll down and catch the latest episode of the Autism World News. Please just take a moment to look-and if you like what you see, spread the word, share this information.. Thanks.<br />
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<br />kathleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07648854807234137885noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-1006697624521908932013-12-31T18:30:00.001-06:002013-12-31T18:30:19.487-06:00Book Review: Chicken Soup for the Soul Miraculous Messages From Heaven<div style="text-align: center;">
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Loss is something we all face. Finding a way to cope with the loss, to find meaning, inspiration and hope in the midst of the loss is vitally important to continuing to live, to be willing to be vulnerable.</div>
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Chicken Soup for the Soul is an excellent, long established series that offers hope and inspiration in the form of short essays from people just like us. Reading 101 short essays that offer meaning and provide assurance that we're not alone in what we are feeling is very therapeutic.</div>
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This book does this very well and provides comfort to the reader who's experienced loss.</div>
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As we end this year of 2013 and hope for good things for 2014, this book is a poignant reminder that we carry our loved ones with us always.</div>
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Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-83350056896369257712013-12-30T07:36:00.002-06:002013-12-30T07:36:25.198-06:00Guest Post: Meg Evans and Radiating Positivity Blog Tour<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.0791666666666666; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-78d803da-43b7-5fd2-e296-f0d4e255f9d8" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘Tis the season when many of us start thinking about changes we want to make in the coming year. We talk over potential New Year’s resolutions with our friends and family. Perhaps we focus on improving our personal lives, such as by resolving to eat healthier, get more exercise, and clean up a cluttered house. Or we plan to get involved in volunteer work—serving meals at the homeless shelter, for example, or teaching adult literacy classes at the library. By talking about our plans with others, we give the details more clarity in our own minds and become more determined to follow through.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But the idea of making long-term changes can be discouraging to us, especially in today’s busy and complicated society. It’s hard enough to keep up with everything that’s changing around us—advances in technology, reorganizations at work, and so forth. When we consider how many things need improvement, both in our personal lives and the world in general, we’re likely to feel overwhelmed. It seems like there’s just too much going on that we can’t control. Why even try? It’s easier just to fall back on our familiar comforting habits, even though they may not be good for us in the long run.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I recently had an email conversation along these lines with a friend who described her perspective on changing one’s own life and the world:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sometimes I feel like all I can do—in a world that can sometimes seem so filled with strife—is continue to be positive in my own life and with my own situation, and then hope that my positivity can radiate out to others and uplift them as well (even if it's just a smile I might share with a stranger). Lately when I meditate, I've been sending bright energies out to envelop Mother Earth. I wish there was something I could do to make everything okay for everybody. And that thought always leads me back to the saying "If you want to save the world, all you need do is save yourself."</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After I’d had a few days to reflect on her words, I thought more about positivity in the context of the Internet—and blogging in particular. There are plenty of blogs whose authors write cheerful, kind, uplifting material, but they don’t get much traffic. Although we may browse their blogs on occasion, we may feel that we haven’t got the time to visit more regularly or to write meaningful comments. Meanwhile, political bloggers stir up anger and often have long comment threads full of arguments. This skews the Internet toward negativity, even though most blog owners just write about everyday life.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So—my New Year’s resolution for 2014 is to radiate positivity by making time, for an entire year, to visit a different blog each day that focuses on random acts of kindness or other positive themes. I’ll write a detailed comment on each of these blogs, describing why I enjoyed it and thanking the author for creating it. At the least, this will make 365 blog authors happier, as well as improving my own mood by giving me positive reading material daily. And I’m hoping other bloggers will join in, which would magnify the effects exponentially! If you’re interested in participating, please visit my new </span><a href="http://megevans.com/random-kindness-blog-tour" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0563c1; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Random Kindness Blog Tour</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> page.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.0791666666666666; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meg Evans lives in Vandalia, Ohio, with her husband; has two grown children; works in the legal publishing industry; and serves as the Board Secretary of the Autistic Self Advocacy Network.</span></div>
Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-87446152288269851732013-12-03T06:42:00.001-06:002013-12-03T06:42:23.325-06:00William-Learning to be a father by letting go of my son..a lovely wonderful post by Jeff Hall<div class="post-field image image-picker-wrap background-size-contain layout-single-column" data-height="1711" data-image-id="1*6bEgk9MvZc8OI8k4auUR5g.jpeg" data-image-style="contain" data-url="https://d262ilb51hltx0.cloudfront.net/max/700/1*6bEgk9MvZc8OI8k4auUR5g.jpeg" data-width="2158" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; color: #333332; font-family: ff-tisa-web-pro, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px auto 30px; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; overflow: hidden; position: relative; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; word-wrap: break-word;">
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William</h1>
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Learning to be a father by letting go of my son…</h2>
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<section name="5f7a" style="position: relative;"><div class="section-inner layout-single-column" style="position: relative;">
<div name="313d" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
By Jeff Hall-<span style="color: #666665; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.4; text-align: right;">Writer. Former soldier. Fun at parties. Reconciling flawed faith with present reality every day</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div name="313d" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
3 years and 31 days ago, I made a decision that I swore I would never make. I dropped my firstborn son off at a state run program in a mental hospital, admitting to him and to the world that our family was no longer the best place for him, and that someone else was better equipped to meet his needs than my wife and I.</div>
<div name="427e" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
I institutionalized my son.</div>
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</section><section name="c85f" style="position: relative;"><div class="section-inner layout-single-column" style="position: relative;">
<div name="ef51" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
William was always special. He was born on New Year’s Eve 1998, our second child, our first boy. He had big blue eyes and blonde hair. He was a big, round ball of chubby cuteness.</div>
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By the time he was 9 months old, he hadn’t started babbling yet. He liked being in his swing. Really liked it. A lot. He wanted to swing all the time. Hours at a time. The motor burned out. He loved his pacifier and would not sleep without it.</div>
<div name="7d82" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
By the time he had his one year checkup, Barbara was concerned enough about his development to ask the pediatrician about it. It’s all good, the doc said. Boys are different than girls. Rates of development differ. Nothing to worry about. Barbara said, yep. I know all that. But something isn’t right.</div>
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She got up and left the office. A few days later she was at another appointment and saw a flyer on the wall. The poster was for Project Child Find, which was offering a free screening for kids like William. Kids who were different.</div>
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William would get a screening, and by the time he was 18 months old he had attended his first therapy sessions for what was being described as sensory integration and pervasive developmental disorder. Disorder. It hurt to hear. The first time we would hear that William wasn’t just different, he was abnormal. Wrong.</div>
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At least that is how I heard it.</div>
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As he got older, there were more therapy sessions, and groups, and talks with doctors. When he was 2½, he was in a group with 4 other kids. The group met with their therapist in a special room at Womack Army Medical Center (we lived on Fort Bragg).</div>
<div name="8258" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
The other kids in the group were like William. They didn’t make eye contact. They flopped and flapped. They became agitated if one of their toys was taken. We began talking to the other parents who joined us in observing the group behind the two way mirror. It was a conversation that special needs parents will recognize. You see, not unlike elementary kids comparing Pokemon or middle schools boys talking football teams or high school kids talking about whatever the hell it is they talk about, we special needs parents compare diagnoses.</div>
<div name="0ec5" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
“Is that your son?”</div>
<div name="89da" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
“Yep, red shirt. Your daughter?”</div>
<div name="1209" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
“Yes. Pink boots. What’s your son’s diagnosis?”</div>
<div name="c868" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
“PDD and sensory integration. Yours?”</div>
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“Autism.”</div>
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We asked another parent. Then another. Then another. Autism. ASD. Autism.</div>
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Of course, that was not something we had to worry about. The therapist had told us that William didn’t have autism. He was just in this group because he had a “commonality of challenges.” He wasn’t autistic. I mean, I had seen Rainman. William couldn’t or wouldn’t talk, much less do amazing math tricks.</div>
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Daphne, the group leader, had clearly seen parental denial before. She was very patient. She had a suggestion. I have something I would like for you to fill out she said. It is called CARS — the childhood autism rating scale. Fill it out, and we’ll talk about it.</div>
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When we got home, we filled out the form. You could almost hear the ominous movie music playing in the background as we marked 4 after 3 after 4. We looked at one another, coming to the same conclusion at the same time.</div>
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William’s got autism.</div>
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And we have a lot to learn.</div>
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</section><section name="593e" style="position: relative;"><div class="section-inner layout-single-column" style="position: relative;">
<div name="c36c" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
Fast forward a few years. We are world class autism experts. We became ace advocates. William was the first pre-K student with special needs at Fort Bragg to get a full day program WITH a one-on-one aide written into his IFSP. By school age he moved into a self-contained classroom and had amazing teachers and therapists.</div>
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But our life was ruled by autism.</div>
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William didn’t sleep. He didn’t talk. He wouldn’t potty train. When we went to McDonald’s as a family we always had to take extra money, because it was inevitable that William would walk up to someone’s table and take their french fries. If it was a sit-down restaurant he would start fussing and whining as soon as we sat down. He didn’t understand why the food wasn’t there. Eventually we stopped going out.</div>
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There were so many things that we couldn’t do. Go to church together. Sit and watch our younger son’s soccer game together. Attend birthday parties.</div>
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All of our plans were subject to William’s mood, whether or not staff was available and whether we could afford to cover them.</div>
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All of this was complicated by something else.</div>
<div name="7ee6" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
Army life.</div>
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</section><section name="e680" style="position: relative;"><div class="section-inner layout-single-column" style="position: relative;">
<div name="e7d3" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
Life with William was hard. Lots of time, lots of hospitals and therapists. Not enough time for each other or our other kids. Constant worry that we weren’t doing enough to help William deal with his challenges, weren’t giving him enough.</div>
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But we had love, and we always found ways to laugh. Many days our life was good, and when it was we would smile. Because although life was challenging it was what we knew. And when William smiles it can melt your heart and light the room.</div>
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William got really worked up when it was time for me to go. When he saw the bags come out for another one of dad’s deployments the tantrums would start. You could see the anger and frustration build. I would pack and worry and wonder what would happen when I was gone.</div>
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I would head off to combat and Barbara and the other kids would prepare for their own kind of war.</div>
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We would purposely leave room on William’s medications so that when I deployed we could increase his meds. We would try to make sure that we had staff lined up, that teachers were told when I would be leaving.We would talk to the kids, and prepare them.</div>
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We tried to explain, and tried even harder to understand, that William was already dealing with things that made him feel overwhelmed. He was bombarded with lights and noises and textures that made just functioning day-to-day a challenge. His brain couldn’t make words to express what he felt on the inside and his feelings could only be expressed physically.</div>
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When we were all together he could sense that the world was difficult but somehow right, and that he was loved and supported.</div>
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But we weren’t all together. Because I had to leave.</div>
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Afghanistan. Iraq. Uzbekistan. South Korea. Even 6 months in New Jersey. “Garden State” my ass.</div>
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I was gone all the time. From 9-11 until I left the military in 2007 I was home for 20 months.</div>
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While I was gone playing Army games, at home all hell would break loose. William would be easily angered, and physically lash out at whomever was nearby. He bit and banged his head and destroyed furniture. We still hesitate to buy nice things.</div>
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In 2007, it was time to leave again. I was part of a team that would be training the Iraqi army. I had to attend 7 months of training at Fort Riley, Kansas before I deployed for 18 months. Two years away from home.</div>
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It started like it always did. The bags. The fussing. The fear.</div>
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But it wouldn’t end that way.</div>
</div>
</section><section name="c97a" style="position: relative;"><div class="section-inner layout-single-column" style="position: relative;">
<div name="8c13" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
I had just arrived back at the barracks at Fort Riley from a day of training. My cell phone buzzed. It was Barbara, calling from home.</div>
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“Hey babe. What’s up?”</div>
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“Same old. I just wanted to give you a heads up.”</div>
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“About what?”</div>
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“I made a video.”</div>
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“Of what? or do I want to know?” (My attempt at cuteness. I am charming.)</div>
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“Ha ha.” (This isn’t a laugh. She actually said ha ha. She is immune to my charm). “It was of Willie. Having a meltdown.”</div>
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“Okay. What did you do that for?”</div>
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“To get people’s attention.” (Her statement felt heavy. Like she really, really meant it this time.)</div>
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“What people Barb?”</div>
<div name="ad60" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
“I sent it to the Governor, all of our representatives, the Senate Armed Services Committee and your chain of command from battalion all the way up to theater commander.”</div>
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“You did what now?”</div>
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Before she could answer my phone buzzed again. My team leader. I clicked over. Meet me at the battalion commander’s office. He said we have to talk now. Do you have any idea what this is about? I might, I said. Well meet me there now. I clicked back over. I gotta go. Shit just got real.</div>
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We walked into the battalion commander’s office. We had been there lots of times, mostly just hanging out. I walked in and made a beeline for his couch, my favorite spot.</div>
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“Don’t get comfortable. We are going to see General Ham.” (Major General Ham was Division Commander and would, in a few years time, be in charge of all American ground forces in Afghanistan.)</div>
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We loaded into his Humvee and headed to Division headquarters. We went to General Ham’s office and were escorted into his conference room by his aide. General Ham was seated at his table with his assistant Division Commander.</div>
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“SFC Hall, welcome. Come on in. Have a seat. Do you know why you are here?”</div>
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“I have an idea, but I am not completely sure sir.”</div>
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“I got a package in the mail today. It was from your wife. You know what was in it?”</div>
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“A video.”</div>
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“That’s right. A really powerful video. Very moving. Have you seen it?”</div>
<div name="a117" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
“No sir. I only heard of its’ existence about 20 minutes ago.”</div>
<div name="5af5" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
“I see. Could we cue up that video please?”</div>
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His aide dimmed the lights and pulled down the video screen. The computer flickered and the video came up: </div>
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR7qo3S_57o">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR7qo3S_57o</a></div>
<figure name="74ff" style="clear: both; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; position: relative;"><figcaption class="image-caption" style="color: #666665; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; left: -172px; line-height: 1.4; margin-top: 0px; outline: 0px; position: absolute; text-align: right; top: 0px; width: 150px; z-index: 300;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR7qo3S_57o" rel="nofollow" style="color: #333332;" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR7qo3S_57o</a></figcaption></figure><div name="ead3" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
As the video came to an end I was close to tears.</div>
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There he was. My baby boy. Struggling to make sense of a life impacted by a differently wired brain and not understanding where I was, or why I was there. I wasn’t even sure that I knew anymore.</div>
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And I heard him in my mind. Daddddaaaaddddddaaaa.</div>
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“What do you think?”</div>
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The question jarred me back to reality.</div>
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“I am not sure I understand your question, sir.” I had a lot of experience dealing with senior officers. I was not used to personal questions from them. “What exactly are you asking me?”</div>
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“What do you think about what you saw?”</div>
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“I think that it was hard to watch, and I wish I was at home sir.”</div>
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“You have a stellar record. What do you want to do?”</div>
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“Again, sir, I am not sure I understand the question.” What the hell? What is this crazy old coot getting at? What does he mean what do I want? No one has ever asked me that in 12 years of active duty. “What exactly do you mean? Sir?”</div>
<div name="b9ce" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
“What would you say if I told you that I could get you out of the Army in a week?”</div>
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“I would say yes. Please.”</div>
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“That is all I needed to hear SFC Hall.”</div>
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It took a little longer than a week. It took three. And a trip back to Fort Bragg.</div>
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But 19 days later I went from Fort Riley, Kansas preparing to go back to war for the third time to a rental house on the north side of Fayetteville, learning how to be a stay-at-home dad.</div>
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</section><section name="c607" style="position: relative;"><div class="section-inner layout-single-column" style="position: relative;">
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By mid-2010 we were nearing the end of our rope. We had spent over a decade with William, meeting every need and foregoing every small sanity taken for granted by most parents.</div>
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Sleep. Family outings. Furniture that didn’t need steel reinforcement.</div>
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We had been to IEP meetings and case management meetings. We had discussed Williams strengths (he can be a very loving child, a charmer with a great smile, and he is very smart!) and his weaknesses (when he gets upset he will beat your ass like you stole something and ran from the cops).</div>
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We were free from the constant worry and stress of life in the military.</div>
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But William was never, IS never, free from the prison that autism has created in his mind.</div>
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We heard about a program. Partners in Autism Treatment and Habilitation at Murdoch Developmental Center in Butner, NC. A state run program that was specifically designed to give kids like William the support, structure and care that they needed to thrive.</div>
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A state run mental hospital. An institution.</div>
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No matter how bad things got with William, I always swore we would never institutionalize him. No way some government agency knew better than we did. No way I would warehouse my kid in some foundling home out of Dickens. We would care for our boy. We were his parents, for God’s sake! Who knew better than us how to care for our boy? How to love him?</div>
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Of course, I had on some Ray-Ban quality rose colored glasses. I hadn’t been at home when William was at his worst. I hadn’t been bit, been scratched, been hit with balled up fists of rage wielded by a boy who was already 5-2 and 140 at 11 years old and got bigger every day. It was easy for me to say no institution was necessary.</div>
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Barb’s bruises said something different.</div>
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</section><section name="9782" style="position: relative;"><div class="section-inner layout-single-column" style="position: relative;">
<div name="3587" style="margin-bottom: 30px;">
We learned more about PATH. We talked to other parents that had made this impossible decision. We filled out the application, at first expecting that William would do a 90 day respite placement. When we were told he was a good candidate for the regular, two year program we amended our application.</div>
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We needed help.</div>
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It took a few months and a lot of paperwork, but William was admitted to PATH in October 2010. His “move-in” day was 1 November 2010.</div>
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We drove to Butner and explained to William and our other 3 children what was happening. William was going to autism college, we told them. A special place that existed to meet his needs and care for him 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. In ways that we couldn’t. A full time nurse and behaviorist and dietitian. School in house. On site case manager. Therapists interacting all day, every day. Trained people always on call, always there.</div>
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Always rested. Always prepared. Always energetic.</div>
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William’s younger brother wasn’t convinced.</div>
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“Autism college? Sounds like autism jail.”</div>
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But we persisted. Despite the doubts of the neurotypical children. Despite our own misgivings.</div>
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Maybe it was desperation that drove our decision. Maybe it was fatigue. But when we had our first visit with William 6 weeks later (they had asked that we give him time to adjust), all our fears evaporated.</div>
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William was smiling. Happy. He looked healthy, rested. He had lost weight, and gotten taller. The combined effect was that our baby had grown into a young man over night. He even had a little peach fuzz.</div>
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After a year at PATH, 4 psychotropic medications had been reduced to one. Clonidine, the first medicine that William had gone on and the only way we had to know he would sleep had been the first medicine eliminated. He went to sleep on his own every night by 9pm, and slept until 6am, when his daily routine started.</div>
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He was paying attention to tasks in school. He had reduced his angry outbursts. He hadn’t bitten anyone since the day he arrived.</div>
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His life was scheduled in 15 minute increments. He knew when dinner was, when school was, when therapy was. He was expected to set the table, fold his clothes, and wash his own body.</div>
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By a year he was potty trained.</div>
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As William grew, so did we. We had dinners out. Played family games. Had nights where we sat downstairs together and watched “The Amazing Race” and made s’mores in the fireplace and talked and laughed and were a family. We weren’t constantly listening for the back door to hear if William had snuck out. We weren’t waiting for him to get mad or wake up or need attention.</div>
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We just were.</div>
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He was happy. We were learning. We all adjusted.</div>
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Everything changed. Everything.</div>
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William lives in a group home in Statesville, NC now. It is a beautiful house in a quiet neighborhood with a big backyard, a trampoline, a basketball hoop and an industrial strength swing set. He has his own room with a flat screen TV (thanks Nana!), DVD player and cable.</div>
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His day is still broken into 15 minute increments. He lives with 5 other young men, including one that was at PATH when he was. He misses us, I know, but he loves his friends and loves his house. If he had his way, we would live at his new home with him. All of the structure, all of the security, the world revolving around his needs. But with his family as a nice distraction.</div>
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We see him every couple of weeks, and every month or so he comes home, back to Chapel Hill, for an overnight visit. He gets to eat cereal, drink soda, stay up late and generally break all of the rules he has to follow at his group home. We get to let him.</div>
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He is happy to be at home. For about 24 hours. Then he wants to go back to Statesville. He brings us his backpack and leads us to the door. I need the structure he seems to say. I need a life that meets MY needs. Take me home.</div>
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We pack up and we take him home.</div>
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When we leave there is silence in the car. We are all sad. Our 6 piece band is missing its most unique and different piece. The part that makes us, us.</div>
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But we know that William is happy. And that we have done what is best for him and for our family.</div>
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The tears are dry by Greensboro. And by Burlington the jokes are flying and the putdowns are stinging and the parents are begging people to stop cussing “just a little. I mean damn.”</div>
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We are a family in two places. Six people. One heart.</div>
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And no matter what happens, or where he is, we know that we will always do whatever it takes to make Willie smile.</div>
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kathleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07648854807234137885noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-34784738540591883072013-11-18T05:53:00.000-06:002013-11-18T05:53:09.821-06:00This is Autism Flash Blog..<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 26px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; position: relative;">
This is going on today! Please go on over and check it out. If you have something to contribute-please do. There are many voices that need to be heard.</h3>
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"This is Autism" Flashblog</h3>
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Last Monday, Autism Speaks told the world that autism is:<br /><br /><i> . . . living in despair</i><br /><i><br /></i><i> . . . fear of the future</i><br /><i><br /></i><i> . . .exhausted, broken parents</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>. . . lost, helpless, burdensome children</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>. . . a national emergency</i><br /><i><br /></i>If that's not what autism is to you, join us on <b>Monday November 18th</b> for the <b>"This is Autism" flashblog</b>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQrlfdWsHb0S-bOe6a-MHLuRlhfFZ2NL0qWF6GxWDzh_9GYm15nBnXlT0Tvm9EBJAGNsbsZZJipn21tcGjLMpXkSHLSISiDez2HjDwPQw5js_Q4Qh2M2ZENlvZVTWqT_Jc7-CsYjR3YVkC/s1600/TIA-2+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #7d181e; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQrlfdWsHb0S-bOe6a-MHLuRlhfFZ2NL0qWF6GxWDzh_9GYm15nBnXlT0Tvm9EBJAGNsbsZZJipn21tcGjLMpXkSHLSISiDez2HjDwPQw5js_Q4Qh2M2ZENlvZVTWqT_Jc7-CsYjR3YVkC/s1600/TIA-2+copy.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 0px; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 0px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" /></a></div>
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What is it?</h3>
<br />A flashblog is a day when a group of people share their thoughts about a single topic. You can post something on your own blog and let us know about it or you can submit your contribution here and we'll post it for you. Then we'll share everyone's posts throughout the day on Monday, here and across the web using Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr to get the word out.<br /><br /><h3 style="margin: 0px; position: relative;">
What Should I Submit?</h3>
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<br />Tell us what "This is Autism" means to you. You can write a paragraph or a blog post, contribute a poem or a video, make a comic or a graphic. Use your imagination. Let's tell the world what autism is in the words and works of autistic people and those who love and support them. </div>
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Who Can Participate?</h3>
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<br />Everyone! The flashblog is open to autistic individuals as well as parents, family members and allies of autistic people. </div>
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Great! I'm in! How Do I Submit?</h3>
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Submit your contribution by <a href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZrUX2ZIAFKUiW4zTgTe6nIn1jGBgEFrWTr2Dztmhqik/edit?usp=sharing" style="color: #7d181e; text-decoration: none;">addding it to the Google Document</a> or emailing it to thisisautismblog@gmail.com.</div>
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What you should include in your submission:</div>
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<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;">A link to your contribution or the full text of your post. If you send a link, let us know if we should: link to it, reprint it with a link, or link it with a short quote. We will embed videos, comics and other graphics unless you tell us not to. </li>
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Please be patient, we will be scheduling posts all day on Monday, November 18th until every submission has been posted.</div>
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<b>Thank you for making the "This is Autism" flashblog a success!</b><br /><i><br /></i></div>
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<br /><i>** Special thanks to Alyssa at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/BecausePatterns" style="color: #7d181e; text-decoration: none;">Because Patterns</a> for the Tumblr/Twitter avatar. </i></div>
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kathleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07648854807234137885noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-79873475995619536632013-11-13T08:32:00.000-06:002013-11-13T08:32:15.199-06:00Excerpt from Lydia Brown.<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="font-family: Vollkorn; font-size: 22px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0.75em 0px 0px; position: relative;">
A must read by Lydia Brown. On April 18, 2012, I<a href="http://www.science20.com/countering_tackling_woo/autism_speaks_issues_statement_concerning_judge_rotenberg_center-89143"> wrote </a>about a statement I pushed for Autism Speaks to issue denouncing the center. To read that they are now de facto endorsing the center, in addition to Suzanne Wright's "<a href="http://www.autismspeaks.org/news/news-item/autism-speaks-washington-call-action">call to action</a>," is disgraceful and completely unacceptable. What happens at the center in the name of treatment is nothing less than torture. And to call autistic individuals MISSING is an abomination. --Kim Wombles.</h3>
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<a href="http://www.autistichoya.com/2013/11/an-unholy-alliance-autism-speaks-and.html">An Unholy Alliance: Autism Speaks and the Judge Rotenberg Center</a></h3>
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<i>Trigger warning/content: Ableism, violence, murder, torture, abuse of disabled people, electric shock, aversives. </i><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">An Unholy Alliance:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Autism Speaks and the Judge Rotenberg Center</span></div>
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<i>Lydia Brown</i></div>
<br />Autistic and disabled activists, as well as our allies, have for years criticized Autism Speaks' long history of dehumanizing rhetoric about autistic people, irresponsible financial practices, and unconscionable claim to represent autistic people without including any autistic people in their leadershi<span style="font-family: inherit;">p <span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">— in direct contradiction to the principles of the disability rights movement</span>. I have written numerous times on the myriad of reasons why autistic people, writ large, not only decline to support Autism Speaks but also actively condemn their goals and practices. </span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>Given Autism Speaks' history of damaging PSAs that exploit autistic people and our families, as well as their continual refusal to meaningfully include autistic people throughout their leadership and decision-making process, I am rarely shocked when new information arises about their projects and programs. I was not shocked at their latest PSA, an over twenty-minute-long mini documentary ostensibly about non-speaking autistic people who type to communicate, but which in reality faced sharp criticism from high-profile non-speaking autistic Amy Sequenzia, who types herself. I was not shocked at their announcement of a policy summit in Washington DC this week that will in all likelihood ignore the concerns of real autistic people about education, employment, housing, healthcare, or community living. I was not shocked (though I was deeply saddened) to read founder Suzanne Wright's message yesterday in advance of that policy summit, which once again resorted to fear-mongering language like epidemic and national health crisis, to objectify autistic people as burdens on their families or tragedies for society.<br /><br />But I was shocked and profoundly disturbed by the revelation that at Autism Speaks' Walk Now for Autism in Washington DC, the city where I live, they chose to host and feature the <i>Judge Rotenberg Center</i> as one of their exhibitors at a resource fair.<br /><br />Let me reiterate that one more time in case the prior sentence was not sufficient to jar your conscience:<br /><br /><i>Autism Speaks featured the Judge Rotenberg Center as a resource for autistic people and their families. </i></div>
Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-67614567302274960042013-10-22T15:15:00.004-05:002013-10-22T15:15:23.703-05:00A lovely guest post from Mark Kent..<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Ooh what a life</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am a disabled adult, asperger syndrome and ME. Think how very difficult this is. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am married - 13 years this year to a wonderful, wonderful wife Tabitha who is not disabled in any way. When people meet Tabitha they are stunned. First that Tabitha is no disabled and second how beautiful she is. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We have three very, very fantastic children - aged 12, nine and less than a year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Because I have Asperger’s Syndrome it took me over half my life to find the right relationship. September 1996 Tabitha and I first met, but before this I was very, very, very alone. A nobody, a nothing. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Everybody” around me had boyfriend/girlfriend, married children of their own. All these and only these things in the world I ever wanted, but I have Asperger’s Syndrome which was making this a great deal more difficult and harder. I have had to dig very deep to get where I am today.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tabitha and I had so much in common. We lived half a mile from each other, well, next street up. We both knew the same friends. We both were bullied at school. We started going out together then two years later moved into a flat together in Peterborough, Cambs. This was Hell, people calling us bad names.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /> We got married in 1999 and moved into a house in March, Cambs, then our children arrived.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The moment at our wedding when I said ‘I do’ I was in floods of tears. I could not believe I was getting married. I could not believe this for me was no longer a dream. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But three and a half years ago I was diagnosed with ME and put in a wheelchair. I cannot work but I do take part in a lot of research from universities in London, Cambridge, Manchester, Norwich and Sheffield. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today I have been to a London University doing research. I’m on the train home at the moment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have a lot of health problems like asthma, so for asthma UK I am a research and policy holder, meaning I can be interviewed on television or radio and newspapers all about asthma. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I said we have three children. Our third, a girl, was born last year weighing 8lb 12oz. I cut the cord. I mean, come on, not many fathers do this. It is something very big for any disability.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was in London City University taking part in research. I’m writing a book, Taking Part In research. I have nearly finished and I am looking at if my book can be published.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">13 years married to Tabitha and I have three fantastic children there’s an age gap of 17 years between us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What a life to live! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*Mark is interested in talking to anyone who has questions-or who would like to chat..please feel free to email me-and I will get you connected-thanks Kathleen</span></div>
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kathleenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07648854807234137885noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-40934548141811982182013-10-18T11:51:00.000-05:002013-10-18T11:51:13.495-05:00Book Review:Chicken Soup for the Soul: From Lemons to Lemonade<table border="0" class="padded" style="background-color: white; color: #777777; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; width: 100%px;"><tbody>
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<img alt="Chicken Soup for the Soul: From Lemons to Lemonade" border="0" height="185" src="http://www.chickensoup.com/newrelease/covers_120w/from_lemons_to_lemonade.jpg" width="120" /></div>
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<img alt="Order Now" border="0" height="32" src="http://www.chickensoup.com/imgN/intfc/btn_order.gif" style="position: relative; z-index: 500;" width="140" /></div>
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<a href="http://www.chickensoup.com/cs.asp?cid=newbooks">Chicken Soup for the Soul: From Lemons to Lemonade</a></div>
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101 Positive, Practical, and Powerful Stories about Making the Best of a Bad Situation</div>
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When life hands you lemons... make lemonade! This collection is full of inspiring true stories from others who did just that, and will help you make the best of any bad situation. You will find inspiration, encouragement, and guidance on turning what seemed like a negative into something positive in these 101 sweet stories of success!</div>
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I've had this book since September, waiting to review it for our autism community, but given the difficulties we've been dealing with, it's been challenging to decide when was the right time to share about this book. Sometimes smack dab in the middle of horror is not the best time. It's been over six weeks since so many of us were shocked and horrified by one of our own bloggers and friends attempting to kill her autistic daughter and herself, and maybe it's far enough removed that offering this book as suggested reading will feel appropriate.<br />
<br />
The harsh reality is that there's always something sad, horrible, terrifying going on in the world, and often to people we know, if not ourselves. So what Chicken Soup for the Soul attempts to do by offering uplifting essays so that we can find ourselves a little less alone is really a good thing.<br />
<br />
There are a variety of stories in this volume, and I think there's enough variety--enough kinds of lemons--that readers who gravitate towards inspirational volumes will find this a welcome addition to their collection.<br />
<br />
Let's face it, sometimes it takes awhile to see how to find or make the good in a situation that feels hopeless. One thing this book does is remind us that it is possible.<br />
<br />
And that, my friends, is always a good thing.<br />
<br />
KWomblesKim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-21777002709977333582013-10-18T07:27:00.001-05:002013-10-18T07:27:33.777-05:00Autism and Divorce<div style="margin: 0.6em 0px 1.2em; padding: 0px;">
Despite evidence to the contrary, the idea of high divorce rates in parents with autistic children continues to resonate with a portion of the autism community. Big numbers make for dramatic effect. And if there's one thing we like, it's drama.</div>
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--KWombles</div>
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I wrote the following in 2010 on the inaccuracy of the oft-repeated 80% divorce rate:<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></div>
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A 2010 study out of <a href="http://www.kennedykrieger.org/kki_news.jsp?pid=8851" style="color: #3d4a89; text-decoration: underline;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">Kennedy Krieger Institute</span></a> today shows that this statistic is emphatically not correct: “64 percent of children with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) belong to a family with two married biological or adoptive parents, compared with 65 percent of children who do not have an ASD.” According to the website, researchers came up with these figures from “ data from the 2007 National Survey of Children’s Health<sup>[<a href="http://www.kennedykrieger.org/kki_news.jsp?pid=8851#footnote" id="footref" style="color: #3d4a89; text-decoration: underline;" title="The survey, sponsored by the Maternal and Child Health Bureau of the Health Resources and Services Administration, examines the physical and emotional health of children ages 0-17 years of age."><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">1</span></a>]</sup> , they examined a nationally representative sample of 77,911 children, ages 3 to 17.”</div>
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This a myth that is prevalent on the internet and was even repeated by an Autism Speaks presenter at a conference I attended in 2010.</div>
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One place this myth is presented is at <a href="http://www.ngnews.ca/index.cfm?sid=138806&sc=49" style="color: #3d4a89; text-decoration: underline;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">The News</span></a> on “The Faces of Autism” by Adam Richardson. Granted this is a fairly old piece, dated May 2008, but it’s still relevant, considering the tendency of many writing on autism to engage in quasi-journalism and quoting (and it could be argued the making up of statistics to suit one’s purpose). Richardson writes of a mother with an autistic child:"Lindblad says more than 80 per cent of marriages with an autistic child end in divorce. She’s living proof.”</div>
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Does Richardson ascertain the accuracy of the statistic? Nope. He presents it again at the end of the piece and makes no distinction as to its accuracy:</div>
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“FACTS AND MYTHS ABOUT AUTISM </div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent;"> </span>• The divorce rate for autistic parents is over 80 per cent.</div>
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• Not all autistic individuals possess special skills and genius abilities. Movies like Rainman created a stigma around the disorder. Less than 10 percent possess “savant” abilities shown in the popular Hollywood movie.</div>
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• Not all autistic individuals are withdrawn, avoid eye contact and engage in self-injurious behavior. Many are outgoing and work well within groups of children.”</blockquote>
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So, is this 80% a fact or a myth, Mr. Richardson? Do you know or care? Garbage reporting like this seems to be, gasp, epidemic.</div>
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Of course, the whole autism ruins marriages and just about everything it touches isn’t new. Kristina Chew wrote more than once on <a href="http://www.blisstree.com/articles/how-high-is-the-divorce-rate-among-autism-parents/" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">the myth of high divorce rates </span></a>for parents of autistic children back in <a href="http://www.blisstree.com/articles/divorce-a-common-side-effect-of-autism/" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">2007</span></a>.</div>
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Lisa Jo Rudy at Autism.about.com has also <a href="http://autism.about.com/b/2008/10/13/does-autism-in-the-family-lead-to-divorce.htm" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">touched on it in the past</span></a>, writing:<br />“In short, while I don’t honestly believe that 80% of parents with autistic children divorce (because there’s no basis for that figure), I certainly DO believe that 80% (or more) are often under extra stress.” Rudy <a href="http://autism.about.com/b/2010/05/19/parents-with-kids-on-the-autism-spectrum-are-not-doomed-to-divorce.htm" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">covers </span></a>the new study, noting that Disability Scoop has reported on the study’s findings.</div>
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Why do people rely on what research shows for one set of numbers and then pull out another set of numbers with no backing? And the comments are even more illuminating and proof that people rely far too often on the availability heuristic. If it’s easy to recall, then they believe it is true and representative. It’s sort of like the global warming thing: it can’t be real because it’s colder than usual where I live. Folks, there’s a reason scientific evidence trumps anecdote.</div>
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*This 80% figure is all over the internet. <a href="http://www.rightpundits.com/?p=1302" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">Susan Leiby</span></a> throws it out there in an effort to get families assistance by appealing to pity: “80-90% of marriages fail when a child with autism is involved.” Another newspaper uncritically runs with the figure, as well: Denise Ryan in <a href="http://www.theage.com.au/news/education-news/a-is-for-autism/2008/02/08/1202234170773.html?page=fullpage#contentSwap2" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">The Age</span></a> writes with no substantiation: “As well, up to 80% of marriages fail in households where a child has an ASD.”</div>
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It keeps going, though. At TACA, <a href="http://www.talkaboutcuringautism.org/support/autism-marriage.htm" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">Mary Romaniec</span></a> writes: “The divorce rate in couples who have a child on the spectrum has been suggested to run as high as 80%.”</div>
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There seems to be a never-ending parade of folks who like to say statistics say blah blah. I completely get where the Freakonomics authors were coming from as they pointed out the pedophile numbers on the internet, a supposed even 50,000. Here a <a href="http://www.ministrymagazine.org/archive/2008/May/ministering-to-families-affected-by-autism.html" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">minister’s wife</span></a> passes along the bad information: “Statistics estimate that 80 percent of marriages that have a child with autism fail.” No statistics don’t say that. Another urban legend is born.</div>
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This alone ought to make it clear why scientifically-minded folks tend not to rely on Joe Blow saying something. It’s usually bullshit.</div>
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And sometimes it’s myth that reaches all the way to governmental bodies, like Australia’s Parliament, where <a href="http://parlinfo.aph.gov.au/parlInfo/genpdf/chamber/hansardr/2009-10-29/0153/hansard_frag.pdf;fileType%3Dapplication%2Fpdf" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">Don Randall</span></a> uses the made-up statistic : “Parents of children with autism face immense challenges. Aside from the care of their child, the resulting stress is enormous, and studies show that up to 80 per cent of marriages where there is an autistic child fail.” Come on, people! Studies say. Statistics show. Where’s the actual studies, the real statistics? You heard it and it sounds good. It makes the folks who stay married appear all the more heroic and it makes it so much clearer that autism is a burden that ruins lives, right, if 80% of marriages collapse under the weight of autism?</div>
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Oh, look what I found: <a href="http://www.nationalautismassociation.org/htmlpages/divorce.htm" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">National Autism Association</span></a> spreading the myth: The divorce rate in the autism community is estimated at 80%. In an effort to help keep families together, NAA is developing a new program that will provide marriage counseling to parents of children with autism.” I thought they were going to confirm the number before using it?: “NAA is presently conducting a national divorce survey of autism families. Several organizations and news outlets have used the often-quoted autism divorce rate of 80%–NAA hopes to confirm or update that percentage before referencing it in its program materials.” And this was all the way back in June 2007. It’s been 2.5 years; haven’t they figured it out yet? Well, as of this December, they decided<a href="http://www.nationalautismassociation.org/press121809.php" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;"> to hedge it some </span></a>and write: “Divorce rates are disproportionately high within the autism community. Government aide is needed for these struggling families.” They are, of course, soliciting donations.</div>
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Now, interestingly enough, in the <a href="http://www.nationalautismassociation.org/howmuchlonger/dearmrpresident.htm" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">NAA’s letter to Obama</span></a>, those divorce rates: “Then again, skyrocketing divorce rates in the autism community really need our attention along with the fact that “autism” is just a word some guy came up with 70 years ago to describe a new, rare mental condition that we’re finding is actually more environmental.”</div>
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Again, high divorce rates make it so much worse, right? What does all this do? Prove that it’s about the blame-game, victimhood, everything and anything but about the autistic individuals.</div>
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<a href="http://www.ageofautism.com/2009/12/support-the-national-autism-association-holiday-donation-drive.html" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">Age of Autism’s</span></a> loyalists buy into the whole thing kit and kaboodle; <span style="color: #7f1d1d;"><a href="http://www.ageofautism.com/2009/06/tidal-wave-of-young-adults-with-autism-about-to-flood-cash-strapped-california.html?cid=6a00d8357f3f2969e2011571863dbf970b#comment-6a00d8357f3f2969e2011571863dbf970b" style="color: #3d4a89;">some of them</a> </span>even elevating it to 85%.*</div>
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What are some realistic estimates of divorce rates?</div>
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According to the <a href="http://www.autism.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=307&a=3342" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;">National Autistic Society</span></a>, “Siegal (2001) suggests that the divorce rate for couples with a child with autism is the same as that for the rest of the population.”</div>
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Kevin Leitch<a href="http://www.opposingviews.com/articles/opinion-what-are-the-divorce-rates-among-autism-families" style="color: #3d4a89;"><span style="color: #7f1d1d;"> weighed in on the subject this past March</span></a>, and it’s well worth the read. Leitch discusses the Easter Seals’ survey and its findings that showed that divorce occurred less in parents of children on the spectrum. Leitch <span style="color: #7f1d1d;"><a href="http://leftbrainrightbrain.co.uk/2010/05/autism-does-not-cause-divorce/" style="color: #3d4a89;">also covers the new study</a> </span>at Left Brain Right Brain.</div>
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Sobsey’s (2004) conclusion regarding divorce and parenting disabled children is worth repeating in full:</div>
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“In short, evidence for increased marital discord and divorce rates among parents of children with disabilities is weak and inconsistent. Many more parents of children with disabilities report positive effects on their marriages than report negative effects, and many others recognize that having a child with a disability has little to do with the quality or durability of their marriage relationship.</div>
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There may be a very small increase in the incidence of divorce among parents of children with disabilities as compared to the general population, or there may be no increase at all. Findings are weak and inconsistent. Even if a small increase in the incidence of divorce exists, it is probably more likely that this increase is attributable to differences in parents’ attitudes and behaviour rather than any effect of children with disabilities on their parents. Whatever the causal factors, many families with children, including many families of children with disabilities, experience marital discord or divorce. Whether or not having a child with a disability is a contributing factor in some cases, marital discord and divorce are difficult for all family members. Researchers should focus future efforts on understanding how children with disabilities and their families experience divorce and what can be done to assist them during what is often a difficult time in their lives.” (p. 80)</div>
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I sincerely hope that autism organizations get it right from now on, and that this myth ends. It does a tremendous disservice to families.<br />
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(Journal) References:</div>
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Siegal, B. (2001). Quality of life: preventing mental separations and legal divorce. What we (don’t) know about the effect of autism on divorce, Advocate, 34(2), pp. 26-29. Available from the NAS Information Centre</div>
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Sobsey, D. (2004). Marital stability and marital satisfaction in families of children with disabilities: Chicken or egg?. Developmental Disabilities Bulletin, 32(1), 62-83. Full text available at http://eric.ed.gov/ERICDocs/data/ericdocs2sql/content_storage_01/0000019b/80/44/c2/a5.pdf</div>
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Web sources have been hyperlinked in the text itself. Siegal’s article was not directly referenced, but the quote taken from the NAS’s page.</div>
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(updated to link to Rudy’s coverage of today’s study)</div>
Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-20491427983704929482013-10-03T07:32:00.004-05:002013-10-03T07:32:29.555-05:00Yes, That Too Guest Post by Alyssa<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 30px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; position: relative;">
<a href="http://yesthattoo.blogspot.com/2013/10/language-for-perspectives-on-disability.html" style="background-color: white;">Language for Perspectives on Disability</a></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><b>Trigger Warning: references to ableist slurs</b><br /><br />It's for the class, Perspectives on Disability.<br />The question is:</span><blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white;">What language do you use to talk about disability? Why might person-first language be helpful?</span></blockquote>
<span style="background-color: white;">Yeah, it's leading. It implies that person-first language is inherently better, <a href="http://yesthattoo.blogspot.com/p/dont-call-me-person-with-autism.html" style="color: #312299; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">which, um, no</a>. And the professor has a stepson with autism, so... this is going to be <i>fun</i>. Here's the answer I'm giving.<br /><br />The language I use to talk about disability varies depending on many factors. The first factor is who I'm talking about. If I'm talking about one specific person, the language preference of that one specific person is the <i>only</i> factor I'm going to think about. That's it. The language they want used when referring to them and to their disability is what I'm going to use. Sometimes that means "person with autism." Sometimes that means "Autistic person"- that's what I am. Sometimes that means "person with CP." Sometimes that means "palsy person." Yes, I really do have a friend who has palsy person as one of her accepted terms- she blogs at <a href="http://thatcrazycrippledchick.blogspot.com/" style="color: #312299; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">That Crazy Crippled Chick.</a><br />If I'm talking about a group of people, my language depends on the group. If it's a group of people who are together as part of an organization, I look up the organizational preference. Sometimes that's person-first, sometimes it's not. The Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) uses identity-first language. TASH accepts both, largely because of working with ASAN and the ASAN people wanting to be able to use identity-first language when talking about themselves. Some organizations will want "person with a hearing impairment." Others will want "Deaf people."<br />For a group that's outside an organization, I check on the individual member's preferences. If I can't find theirs, I see if there is a preference for their specific disability as a whole. (Blind/with low vision, Deaf/with hearing impairment, and Autistic/with autism are examples of there not actually being a consensus, no matter what people on the individual sides may try to tell you.)<br />The language the people use talking about themselves can provide clues, too. When I talked about Ethan, the author of "Ethan's Story: My Life with Autism," I could guess from his language that he prefers person-first, so I used it. I called him a person with autism.<br />When there really is no way to tell what the preference is for the people being talked about, it can go one of two ways. If it's autism and I can't tell, I default to <i>my</i> language preference, since I am Autistic. Otherwise, I go for "what is the majority preference of people with this disability/these types of disabilities in my audience?" followed by "what is the majority preference of audience members in general?" When <a href="http://autisticadvocacy.org/2012/10/calling-people-the-r-word/" style="color: #312299; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">I wrote a piece for ASAN about the use of the R word</a>, my use of "people with developmental disabilities" came from majority preference of people with these types of disabilities- autism isn't the only developmental disability out there, not by a long shot, and as far as I know, none of the others have major pushes for identity-first language going on. With "the whole internet" as my potential audience, I went for person-first language.<br />Person-first language has things it was meant to do when it was first put forth by self-advocates. Those are good things. It's supposed to be about seeing people as <i>people</i>. It's supposed to be about respect. It's supposed to be about recognizing humanity, essentially. <i>For people who prefer to be referred to using person-first language</i>, it is the most respectful language to use. For most disabilities, it's a safe default, too. That's another use. It's better than assuming we know a person is suffering because of disability, certainly- I'd not censor someone who <i>does</i> think they are suffering from something, but it's really presumptuous to assume that they are! So that's another way that person-first can be good- it beats a thing that's presumptuous as can be. It's just not something we should insist on using to describe <i>people who don't want to be described that way</i>. That's about respect too.</span></div>
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Kim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8770531088853087081.post-52098814283541047682013-09-23T21:24:00.000-05:002013-09-23T21:24:38.946-05:00Issy Stapleton: Not Gone, Thankfully, But Forgotten By Too Many<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Many of you have expressed interest in sending cards to Issy or the family. Thank you so much for the effort. Your interest in meeting the needs of my children is overwhelming and inspiring.<br />
PO Box 145 Elberta, MI 49628</blockquote>
From Matt Stapleton, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TeamIssy">Team Issy's Facebook Page </a><br />
<br />
<br />
It will be three weeks tomorrow since Issy was in the van with her mother, her would-be murderer. I know that's harsh, but that's what Kelli was that day. It seems that the news coverage and far too many people are forgetting that fact.<br />
<br />
The <a href="http://www.mlive.com/news/grand-rapids/index.ssf/2013/09/kelli_stapleton_supporters_hel.html">latest news story </a>is about Kelli's friends flooding her with letters of support and money for her defense fund.<br />
<br />
It's not about Issy. Issy appears almost irrelevant:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<br />
Issy Stapleton, who spent four days in a coma-like state, made an incredible recovery, her father, Matt Stapleton, said earlier this month.<br />
She is believed to have suffered brain damage.<br />
The Traverse City Record-Eagle earlier featured the family dealing with the girl's acute autism and violent episodes.</blockquote>
The story's focus, though, is squarely on Kelli. As is the focus of the latest post on Kelli's blog: the concern from <a href="http://thestatuswoe.wordpress.com/2013/09/23/a-friend-in-need-friends-of-kelli-stapleton/">Kelli's supporters isn't about Issy</a>; it's about Kelli.<br />
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I am still, three weeks later, reeling. You know that feeling of sick despair that takes hold in your chest and gut and twists? I'm there. And I'm so far on the periphery of this family's horrible situation. I can't even imagine how it's tearing up Issy's family. How scared, devastated, confused Issy must be feeling, the emotions her siblings are grappling with, her dad is dealing with.<br />
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This is a nightmare I am sure they all, including Kelli, wish they could wake up from. It's not, though, and how we talk about autistic people is vitally important here. We have a responsibility to Issy, to our children, to our friends on the spectrum, and to ourselves to get this right: to remember who the victim here was. It was not Kelli. She was the perpetrator.<br />
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--Kim Wombles</div>
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I can not imagine what it must be like to stand in Issy's shoes right now. To be at the center of this horrific crime-and yet, not be the focus. I can't imagine how her siblings are feeling, or her dad. I can only think that they ALL must be torn in so many different directions. Yet, all we hear about is Kelli. <br />
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It has only been three short weeks and already Issy has been mostly forgotten. If she was even ever really considered in the first place. Lost in the shuffle of loud voices-debating, arguing..taking sides..forgetting I fear, that a human being, a young girl-almost lost her life..The arguments (it seems) became more important than Issy herself.<br />
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The rest of the world (not in the autism community) is watching, listening to what is being said. I know that I have found myself gobsmacked at so much of the commentary. Appalled at how much is misunderstood. We have it seems, a long way to go if we want acceptance and inclusion. That is why it is so very important that we as a community take a stand. To stop arguing and to put the focus right where it belongs. On Issy. She is the victim of this crime. We can not ever forget that.<br />
~Kathleen LeopoldKim Wombleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15492455180502821052noreply@blogger.com5