Friday, September 26, 2014


Last week, I was contacted by to see if I'd be willing to accept one of their bean bags to review, specifically in terms of how my children on the spectrum found it. When I looked at the site, I started drooling. We were very kindly sent the Yogibo max, which is six feet by two feet by two feet and priced at over $200. 

I am in love with this bag. My girls are in love with it. My husband slept on it, it's that big. The cats are impressed. And the dogs think it is theirs when no one else is on it. 

The girls have laid on it, reclined on it, laid under it, laid side by side on it. You name it. They've done their school work on it. The couch has not been used since the Yogibo Max arrived.  That is how awesome it is.

If I had money, I would redo the living room in them! There are several options and lots of colors to choose from.  

Yes, I'm biased. We were given an expensive product free that my girls love, that provide sensory input that is calming, that makes them feel special. But, trust me when I tell you this is better than Temple Grandin's hugging machine. It's soft but heavy enough and large enough that when you lie under it, you feel pressure. I've used it that way. I would totally do a double in my room for me. It would be my safe space when I'm overwhelmed by kids, critters and the demands of my job and my anxiety disorder which tend to render me skittish and unwilling to be touched. 

So, anyone with 400 dollars, consider that to be my Christmas gift wish.

Yes, that's the Yogibo max under batman decorations and dogs.

Here's the Yogibo max out of the box.

Definitely dog approved.

Kids testing it.

Go to to see all their awesome stuff! Kathleen's review is coming up!

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Summer Reading: From the Light to the Trancendent

For me, the summer leaves me feeling scatterbrained. Too much noise, too much going on. Chicken Soup for the Soul books provide a quick break, a breather, and a chance to focus.

The best part of Chicken Soup's books is the diversity of topics. You can find any topic that interests you, and then get dozens and dozens of different author's stories. And because the stories are short, it's okay if you only have five minutes to spare.

Above I've placed six of Chicken Soup for the Soul's newest books, books I thoroughly enjoyed and highly recommend.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

A Review of Eric Fischer's Collected Works of Poetry

"a greatness beyond all possibility of calculation, measurement or imitation"

Purchases of this book go to support Eric's care of his son Segev.

Preferred purchase link is

but the book is available on Amazon as well.

I've been following Eric Fischer's blog about his beautiful and profoundly disabled son Segev for several years. Segev has a condition known as Ohtahara Syndrome, which is a progressive disease involving seizures that often don't respond very well to medication. Eric has spent the last sixteen years taking care of his son, who requires 24 hour support.

Over the last nineteen years, Eric has amassed a collection of poetry that is, with no exaggeration, sublime. I have his first volumeLittle Job's Book of Broken Poems, on my kindle, and I've found it meaningful and often come back to it when I need to know I am not alone, that others, too, see the wonder and pain of this world entwined. I am always led to think and feel when I read Eric's poetry and it never fails to create a feeling of bittersweetness that I carry with me long after I've set aside the poems.

Eric's dedication to Segev and commitment to honoring his son and other children who live with profound, severe disability is punctuated with loss and struggle and exhaustion. In one poem, "The Tender Heart," Eric writes that 
A tender heart may lose its way,
With resolve returns to win the day.
Falling down, feeling broken, these things are to be expected, are unavoidable consequences when one battles each day for another day for one's beloved.

It is not just the tender heart, but also the foolish heart that plays a role in being able to keep going, long day after longer night, weary.
Despite adversity into the fray:
A foolish heart will see the light of day.
Eric knows all too well what he's fighting for and what the cost is, and his dedication to his son and to making the world recognize the value that is inherent in all people, regardless of functionality is heroic, although he would likely reject that characterization. He is, in his opinion, doing what he must.

In a poem about Segev, he writes:
The rope that binds his body cannot bind his soul:
The secret of the heavens that define this role,
Never has a dream garnered such a toll.
He continues later in the same poem, "Darkness,"

The struggle to survive
Universal and constant
Where no one is asked 
Whether they can bare it nor
Want it.
 Life and death and the things that really matter: Eric's life is wittled down to the essential, as are the lives of other parents loving and fighting for their children and their children's lives. Eric writes in a poem titled "Ohtahara,"
Death is in the fight.
Brought to our knees
With aches of love for our children so affected,
Death is a rampant disease.
Eric writes not just about his and Segev's experiences, but also devotes several poems to other children and their families and tackles the heartrending task of the loss of other children to the diseases they and their parents valiantly wrestled with. Of Jack, in "Brave," Eric writes,
Brave brave, little thing,
Across the heavens you will sing.
 Eric's poetry calls us to feel, to think, to be, to embrace the moment. I can't help but be reminded of Nancy Mairs, a poet and author who has MS, and her interview in PBS's documentary,  & Thou Shalt Honor,   how she feels called to life:

And having George participate in my care and having other people do the same, calls me into life. It says, despite your losses, despite your limitations, you belong here with us and we want you to stay. We want you to stay enough that we're willing to participate in the labor that it takes. That's perhaps the fundamental of caregiving -- to enable another to want to be in the world. Not just enable them to be, but to enable them to want to be in the world when it would be easier not to.

 Eric's message, in the end, is similar--he calls his son to life, he asserts the inherent value in all people, regardless of what they can "contribute." He rejects any and all idea of allowing his son to go gently into that good night.

I am honored to be Eric's friend, to be allowed to bear witness to Segev's beautiful life and Eric's passion for giving Segev the best life he can for as long as he can. I encourage you, if you have not had the honor of meeting Eric and Segev, to visit Eric's blog and Segev's facebook page, and to participate in Segev's support by purchasing I am a broken man/You can't break me.

--K Wombles

Monday, April 28, 2014

No Consensus to be had: Recognizing Compassion is not Condoning

In September last year, we were horrified when a member of our community tried to kill her daughter and herself. Friendships were ended over the divide in how to handle the situation. I lost a person I considered a close friend over what I still believe was a miscommunication rather than a real difference of opinion.

This last week a Canadian single mother of a severely autistic teenage son killed her son and herself and once again the community erupted and people find themselves on opposing sides.

Part of this is truly a difference of opinion. There are those of us who are horrified at how the victim in this kind of crime is portrayed as the perpetrator of the murder rather than the murder victim.  That, should, I think, be the way we react instinctively: the victim is the autistic person who has been murdered. No matter what the reasoning behind the parent's actions, the primary victim is the autistic individual who has been murdered.

The lead in the news coverage is that a disabled individual has been murdered by his/her parent, not how hard the parent had it.

After that acknowledgement, in a separate conversation it is reasonable to wonder what drove the parent to the point of murder and whether there are actions the community could take to safeguard vulnerable individuals. What is an appropriate level of governmental intrusion into the lives of families? Would that have made a difference?

Why did this mother do this? Why didn't the medical community help? Why didn't the Canadian equivalent of CPS assist?

The list of why questions are endless, and the reality is there aren't answers for all of them.

What is the solution for families unable to provide safe living spaces for their disabled children? Turning them over to the state? Relinquishing their parental rights? Should they have to do that to get their child help?

Why aren't there enough resources for families and adults who are disabled?

The one clear answer is that there should never ever be a time where we condone the murder of a disabled child by a caregiver. That action is never understandable, always reprehensible.

Condoning an act of evil and having compassion for people breaking under what they find to be insurmountable situations are not the same thing, though.

We can feel compassion that this mother was turned away time after time. We can feel for her that the state, the community, and her family failed to assist her or to see the level of despair she was operating under. We should, I hope, feel even greater compassion for her son, the child she made a choice to murder before ending her own life.

He was failed all the way around, by every one. He was the one deemed not worth helping.

Compassion for autistic individuals in maladaptive or dangerous environments that don't meet their needs and routinely fail them--that ought to be the number one concern--we must care before we can act. We must deem autistic children and adults to be of equal value to non-disabled individuals. And then we must advocate for adequate resources and assistance for these individuals so that they are safe and in an environment that they can thrive. That means assisting families.

Compassion for families who don't know where to turn and face closed doors every time they reach out should be the secondary concern. These two concerns work in tandem and we need to recognize that.

The solutions for families struggling to access resources to assist their disabled family member is going to be family-specific. It will look different for each individual. We cannot afford cookie-cutter solutions, and the ongoing debates in the online community tend to detract from any real action occurring.

How do we move from advocating to action?

Where do we start?

Calling on the media to remember who the true victim is in a murder/suicide is an action that must occur.

Calling on the state and local organizations and the medical community to make sure adequate assistance and resources are available is necessary.

Helping families in need by being there to listen, to provide respite care, to put your money where your mouth is are all needed actions.

We must build local cooperatives in our local communities, create strong ties between families and communities so that when a family is in crisis, it isn't happening out of sight.

Investment in each other and commitment to being there for each other goes a long way, as those of us who have had the benefit of having a circle of friends who have our backs know all too well.

As we work to create real change in the real world, we can also resolve to treat each other with compassion, to listen to each other and to be willing to ask for clarification before we decide we've hit that wall that terminates what had been a supportive relationship.

I don't know about you, but I certainly don't have so many friends that I want to lose a source of support and solidarity over a misunderstanding.  Let us have compassion for each other and understanding that these tragedies are horrible for the families they happen to, but also to us, as well.

--Kim Wombles
*Please know that this post reflects my opinion alone. If you would like to submit a post on this topic, please email me.

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